Paper Wings
by Jazyrha
Summary: The end of the world was stained in blood, pain and the saddest love story ever to take place on this earth. We were this world's saviours, for heroes we were not. /A Gohan, Piccolo and Videl story./ /SummaryChanged.
1. Prologue: A Kiss Of Death

_**Paper Wings.**_

_I've watched you fly on paper wings  
halfway around the world,  
until they burned up in the atmosphere  
and sent you spiralling down,  
landing somewhere far from here  
with no one else around._

_-_

_-_

_-_

**Prologue: **a kiss of death.  
(Gohan)

_Thump. Thump. Thump._

His heart underneath my palm felt strangely calm. I could feel it beat against my hand, like the waves of the sea, racing to the shore and back. Each beat was calm and firm, sent a shiver down my spine. His heart was alive, beating and I could feel it. I could feel his life underneath my hand, warm, familiar -- safe in a world where nothing was.

He was smiling, too.

She was watching us. Desperate, broken. She was always watching us.

I wanted to die. My fingers grasped over his chest just slightly, almost as if I was trying to get inside and rip his heart out. Even when it wouldn't beat, I wanted it close. I could not live without it.

I couldn't live without him.

I resisted the urge to throw myself in his arms and to sob like a child, to scream and shout. Instead I watched him, with the tears streaming down silently, dripping over my chin like apple juice.

_Thump. Thump. Thump._

To feel his heart beating, to hear it thump, was the most beautiful thing in life.

And he asked me to destroy it.

"No," I whispered, fragile.

It wasn't much, but it was enough. It was that word that conveyed everything, every single word that needed to be said. There was no reason wanted, no rational thoughts would enter my head. There was nothing in the world that mattered, beside the soft beating of his heart under my hand. My hand burnt, trembled.

She watched us, without a word. Her once short hair had grown long again and was in her eyes. Her eye was dark from bruised, her lips shattered. She looked beautifully broken as she watched us.

"Gohan," she whispered.

We hadn't talked much after he said what we must do. He had been the only one talking. Videl and I, we had just stared. Stared lifelessly at him, while he was the one dying.

"Kill me, kid," he repeated again, and it was almost a plea, almost like he thought I did not hear those destructive words before.

"I can't fucking do it, Piccolo!" I shouted and my hand on his chest formed a fist.

_Thump. Thump. Thump._

How could I let that sound stop? How, just how could he ask me this? I needed the sound, needed the warmth, needed **him**. He had no idea just how much. I needed to hear his heart beat, again and again. I needed to know that no matter how bad things got, there was that heart, and it was beating for me.

I always knew it only beat for me, just like mine beat only for him.

It was an universal rule, an unspoken promise. And I wasn't going to break it. I would not.

Videl jumped a little at my sudden outburst, until her back was against the ice-cold wall of the cave. It was dark, but I could see through the twilight how her eyes were wide in shock.

There were no tears, for she had cried them all. I was the only one who still had some left, it seemed, and they were pouring down like burning rain.

I had never cared much about my heart, never needed to be easy on emotions. I never cared, since there was Piccolo and he could mend a broken heart. He could fix everything. He could make everything. He could do **everything**.

Piccolo saved everyone.

I could be a child, a pathetic whining piece of trash, because he would be there, always. I never got really hurt, never got hurt so badly like this, because Piccolo had caught me. I had fallen, but it was not the fall that killed you. It was that sudden stop at the bottom, where your bones hit the floor and the black would take over. I never before reached that point, for Piccolo would catch me, right in time.

But not this time. This time, I was all alone. All alone.

And everyone knew that Gohan, little Gohan, could never ever handle things alone.

"You can do it," he told me, smiling, like he was cheering me up before a test of maths instead of demanding me to kill him.

It sickened me, beyond the point of throwing up. I could not hurt Piccolo. It went against the very essence of my entire being. He was my reason for living, the reason the sky could be blue in a world like this. He was my heart, the push that kept it beating.

He was everything to me, and I could not stand the thought of losing him.

I simply shook my head and crawled closer, using my other hand to support me. He couldn't stand anymore, the pain was too much. He never complained, no -- Piccolo was strong. He always believed, he never gave up. He just sat there against the wall and swallowed the pain, endured the stinging suffering each second.

I wished I could be like him. I wanted to be just as strong as him from the moment I met him, and I wanted it still. I wanted to have a heart as strong and kind as his, but instead I had this broken, shattered thing full of holes. It was useless. It was useless if he had no need for it anymore.

_Thump. Thump. Thump._

I watched my life wash ashore helplessly. I didn't have the power to stop the tide from coming. The waves were crashing over me, and I was drowning, powerlessly devoted. I was too deep in this mess, and I could not get my head above the water. I was going under. And this time I would stay there.

They took everything, the huge waves with their gaping, grabbing hands.

They took everything. They left nothing behind. Nothing but me.

He just looked into my eyes, and I crawled even closer. I wanted to vanish inside him, because it must be the most beautiful place in the universe. I wanted to melt into him, so that no one in the world could ever rip us apart, simply and solely because I was a part of him.

If he died, he would take my heart along with it. I could feel his hot breath on my lips, and his heart underneath my palm. If I forgot the world, this would be the most beautiful moment of my life.

Videl looked away. She slid down the wall and buried her head in her hands. Her shoulders shook and she made sobbing sounds, that echoed over the whole cave. When she didn't know how to act anymore and what to do with herself, she either hit people or cried. She had hit enough people, her knuckles were bruised and battered, her arms splattered with blood. So she cried. She cried without tears, because no tears could express the pain. All that remained was the wordless pain, unable to be expressed in any form of action.

We were such a helpless, broken family. We were so alone, we were so shattered.

But Piccolo always kept us together. He was always there -- our leader and we followed him, blindly in his footsteps. We would follow him across the earth, over the seven seas, even when he had no idea where he was going. We would be calm, just because he was. We would hope, because Piccolo never gave up.

Except this one time. This time he threw in the towel and the glue that held us together was gone. This time, no one would have our backs, and Videl knew it. That was why she was crying. She was crying her dry tears because without Piccolo, we were lost.

The world couldn't survive without Piccolo. No frigging way in hell.

"No! No! I can't! I can't!" I stuttered, the words leaving my bruised lips like desperate pleas, pathetic excuses, a sick love-confession.

Videl screamed in her hands, muffling it by biting on her T-shirt. She lost herself, just like we did. Where once stood a brave, proud young girl, sat now a broken, desperate little girl. She wanted to be saved, and we needed Piccolo for that. We **needed** Piccolo.

If we lost him, the final shred of ourselves would be gone, ripped away from us like our sanity was.

"Just think about her," he snarled, his eyes dark from pain and emotion, clouded by the foresight of his own demise. "Just do it for Videl."

She trembled when he spoke her name. I didn't even look at her. I loved her, once. I loved her, but not as much as I loved the beating of Piccolo's heart, because nothing was more important to me. I loved her, still, but she wasn't going to save the world and we both knew it.

I couldn't do it, really. I couldn't make the sound stop, I couldn't make the _thump, thump, thump _go away. I couldn't end his life. For the first time in my life, I knew what was the right thing and I could not do it. I had killed before. I killed so many I was getting used to it.

It was all her fault.

"If only that freak..." I started, but he cut me off.

"But she did, Gohan, and she won this round. Don't let her win game."

She was just playing with us. She was laughing at us. It was almost as if I could hear her mocking, icy laugh in the back of my head, written in it forever. She didn't kill us, no, she never killed a single soul. She captured them and Piccolo and I were the only ones who ever escaped.

Dying was the nicer thing to do than sitting there. I knew how strong my dad was, but there was only so much he could take. If every second is one you live in agonizing pain, in torture and mocking laughs, even someone as strong as my dad, as strong as Piccolo would eventually collapse.

It was the sneaky thing about life: it always got you down in the end. No one made it out alive. None of us would see the end of this.

I didn't answer. I just crawled even closer, until my chest was against his, and my hand still plastered against his heart. It was beating faster now, racing against the palm of my hand. It was almost as if it wanted to jump out so I could hold it.

I couldn't lose him. I loved him.

The words in my throat burnt, sought their way out, but they seemed so stupid. My words wouldn't change anything anymore. My words were useless – everything was useless. Nothing and no one was going to save Piccolo.

"But you always save everyone," I whispered, my forehead resting against his chest and my shouldering shaking up and down. "Let us save you this time."

He always saved everyone, looking over the world like its own personal Guardian-Angel. He was always there on the right moment, like he smelt the danger, the potential a moment had to kill you. He had been there, again and again for me. He had been there. Every single time when I threw my hands in the air, fell onto my knees crying and I hated the world, he made it alright again.

He saved everyone, and we couldn't even do as much as ease his pain. It was sickening ironic, the kind of humour that would let you laugh so hollowly everyone would freeze at the sound. It was disgusting, and the bitter grin life gave me was turning me insane.

I crawled even closer, my forehead resting on his shoulder. His heart beat against my chest. He didn't even move, but didn't push me away either. Even now, he was the one holding **me. **He was the one comforting **me. **He was the one dying.

I could hear Videl standing up.

"I'm going to check if they're coming," she muttered, a pathetic excuse, and she ran away.

She couldn't watch me love anyone else, and I knew. I couldn't stand loving him myself. I felt him shift, probably to look if she was okay. She was not. No one was anymore. Nothing was okay. My tears were making wet stains on his shoulder, his clothing already ripped away and tattered.

He was like a statue of wounded courage, the portrait of true strength. His chest was full of cuts, unhealed and some of them still bleeding. Videl had made some bandages of clothing, but the blood had already drenched it. He sat there, his one knee lifted up, his hands firmly upon the ground. Every inch of his body was bruised, broken or sliced. But he smiled at me.

He** smiled** at me.

I knew he was only smiling to somehow make me feel better. I knew he was still thinking about me, about Videl.

It made me sick, turned my stomach upside down and burnt and froze every inch of my body. It made my mind scream, the words die. It turned me into some sort of mindless animal, just clinging to him and staring.

If I had the strength, I would turn back time. I'd turn back time and save him. But there was no time, and it was fading fast, laughing harder at us with each passing second.

His dark eyes were filled with pain, but he hid it, like he hid it for so long. We had been so foolish, so desperate. He had hidden the pain, until he had literally collapsed. He had been strong, for us. He was our only hope.

All that would remain without him was a pathetic child, crying and grasping for something he could never regain. I couldn't be Gohan without him.

I was aware we were dying. I was aware we were losing everything.

It was the awareness of it all that killed me. No longer could I pretend to be an idiot, just like my dad. No longer could I pretend I did not see this end racing toward us. No longer could I pretend there was a light at the end of our dark road, for my light would die and I would be alone. I was aware we had lost.

I wanted to hold him, weep into his arms until he would either die or go completely insane. I wanted him to tell me it was alright, because I would believe him, no matter what my own judgement was. I wanted him to tell me he knew how things were going to end, that we were going to make it.

I needed him to stay alive and tell me those things.

"Don't do that," he said, shaking his head and his eyes directed to the ground.

His voice was soft, littered with pain. And through it had sounded love, the sound of home. He was the only one in the world who could do that, who could make me feel safe in a world this close to falling apart. He was the only one that reminded me of home, of the beautiful things that once were.

If I killed him now, would our paths cross once more? Would he hold me again, as gently as he did now, despite his pain? Would he carry me to a place I called home, when he thought I was too battered to stand on my own feet? Would he look over me, somewhere high above me?

That the answer was no, I knew too well and that was why there was no way I could go through with it.

"But I'll lose you," I argued.

Losing Piccolo was about the worst of the worst of all the bad things that could happen in this world. And there were many, many bad things.

He had one arm around my back, not pulling me closer, not pushing me away. It was just there, like the railing of a high tower, to keep you from falling. It was there like support, to keep me from stumbling back and hitting the ground hard. He always protected me, and the one time I needed to save his life, I was helpless, pathetic and powerless.

"But you'll save the world," he said back, hiding the pain.

"I don't care about the world, Piccolo, I only need you."

He snorted, but I ignored the clichéness of that sentence. It was true. The world wasn't needed. The world could blow up for all I cared. Because as long as there was Piccolo, I'd be safe no matter what. He felt so warm, despite always trying to be so cold. I wrapped my arms around his neck, like a child clinging to a parent.

I was clinging to the only thing in the world that remained. I was clinging to the only thread that kept me from falling.

"That doesn't make any sense. We don't have any time for your irrational emotions right now, Gohan. Just do it."

I ignored his words, to drained to explain.

Underneath my fingers I felt the cold metal cord that brought us here. In other times, I would've laughed when people said technology screws with our society. They were right. God, they had no idea how right they were.

He winced under my touch.

"Does it hurt?" I asked softly.

"I can handle it, kid," he answered back.

It was not the same as 'no'. It was not the same as 'it will be alright'. It was the same as 'it's killing me.' But he'd withstand the pain, withstand all of hell just to see us hold on. He could handle everything. Everything.

I knew it hurt. I knew. I knew it was sending pain through each and every nerve. I knew he was dying. I knew I had to kill him.

But I denied it all. Because I was Gohan, and that was what I did best. Running away, just turning and leaving everyone behind. And someone would have my back, be it my dad or Piccolo.

I never really learnt anything else, never got over that childishness of mine. So I ran this time too, and no one could stop me.

"Quit the stalling, Gohan," the way my name left his lips made me shiver and press myself closer to him. He was too weak to complain about my sentimental behaviour once more. There was too much pain, and I couldn't handle it.

_Thump. Thump. Thump._

"I can't," I whispered again, trying not to fiddle with the metal cord in his neck and kill him while doing so.

I knew I'd be making the pain stop. He had been through enough pain. He had endured weeks, months of pain. Pain like no one in the world ever experienced. Pain, with each beat of his heart, with each step, with each breathe, with each passing second more.

He deserved salvation. He deserved an end. The end.

He pushed me away a little, and lifted my chin so that my tear-stained eyes were looking right into his dark eyes.

"You really need to stop this. Kill me before she does. Kill me before this gets out of hand."

The thought that I was never going to see those eyes looking at me again, with that fire burning behind them now dimmed to the light a single candle in the darkest night would give, that light, that strong pride, made it impossible not to cry harder.

So I did. I wept and I sobbed, until my shoulders shook so hard they were going to dislocate. He didn't pull me closer, but patted me on my back. It's the closet to a hug he'd ever come, and any other day I would've been grinning the whole day through, sure that I was the happiest man of the earth.

But I was going to lose that. I was going to lose him. I was going to kill him -- I, with my own bare hands. I would be a hero. I would save the world. I would save Videl.

I was going to lose his touch and it drove me insane. I didn't want to be rational, screw being a hero. I wanted Piccolo. Just him. Just his touch, only his smile.

I was not strong enough on my own. I couldn't handle the world alone. I couldn't do anything on my own. Gohan is a useless passion, a name with no purpose. I was nothing but an ordinary coward. I needed Piccolo to be strong and remind me I was not as useless as the voice in the back of my mind told me.

"There's an hour left, at least," I pleaded.

He shook his head and it killed me. It stabbed through me, like a knife and it twisted little broken-heart figures in my chest. It stabbed again and again, salted itself.

Why wouldn't he live for me? Why wouldn't he **try**?

Why couldn't I save him?!

"Don't leave me! Don't leave!" I cried, shaking my head wildly.

I could not live alone. I could not go through life without him to go to.

"Gohan," he said, in a voice that would not let me protest or interrupt.

I stared into those eyes and wished that this moment, if we erased all the pain in it, could last forever. I wanted to be in his arms until the sky would fall down upon us, and I wanted him to look at me with those eyes until the world stopped turning.

"I need you to kill me when you can still say that you are my friend," he spoke, looking firmly in my eyes and for a moment, a split-second I could see all the pain, the tiredness, the desperation, the hope, the love.

It killed me. It broke my heart into a zillion of pieces that were never going to be glued together again. I froze, inside, went numb in my mind. The tears stopped and I went silent.

"I'll always be your friend," I raised my voice.

"No. You **have **to kill now. I won't let you allow to hate me, just like I won't allow myself to let this thing," he pointed at his neck, his movements slowly and aching, unlike his elegant, strong movements before, "to drive me crazy! Don't you understand, Gohan? I'll forget everything. I'll kill thousands of people, and I'll fight alongside with her."

I shivered at the thought and if I would've still had my heart, it would've imploded. But I was numb, as I stared at him, my mouth open.

Didn't he know I'd love him even if he would do that?

"I can't..." his eyes darted away and it was so unlike him to be at a loss of words, I wanted to throw up. His heart beat harshly, quickly against my chest. His breath was in a fast, irregular pace. He was dying from the pain.

"You have to. You have to kill me, before I kill you. I can't stand that thought," he whispered then, and he winced at how it sounded.

He looked like he was about to puke at his own sentimental words. They had sounded roughly, uncaring, cold, littered with pain. It hadn't sounded like some sort of confession of soft feelings at all, but I knew. I knew he cared. I wished he didn't.

The world loved to screw me over.

I wanted to laugh and tell him everyone got emotional when they were about to die, but I didn't, since there was nothing funny about it.

So that was exactly why my heart restored itself, a broken piece full of bandages and bad healed scars. Something welled up inside me, something warm and bubbly, something ice-cold and killing. It was like a fire, grabbing around and burning everything.

"But I **_love_ **you," I shouted.

And just like that I had said it, what I had been hiding for years and years. And yes, I could've corrected myself and tell him I meant 'as a friend', but I didn't want to lie. Not now, not like this.

He was going to die, he couldn't laugh at me anymore. I wished I never had to feel again, because it only made it worse.

His eyes were wide, and he looked at me. His expression harded then, as he said: "Love won't save us now, Gohan."

There was something inside that snapped at these words, some sort of animalistic, childish urge to prove him wrong. So I looked into his eyes once more, before I launched myself at him and pressed my lips against his. There was no holding back anymore, no regrets, no second thoughts. This was me and him, and the very last hour we would spend together.

My arms were around his shoulders, tears burning but not falling. His heart raced against my chest, one last time fast and lively. It was the way the flame flickered the most violently right before it died.

I pushed myself closer, still kissing him. My eyes were closed so tightly it hurt, but I only squeezed them harder.

He knew I was going to kill him. He knew. And I felt his lips curl in a smile, as he pulled me against him just as desperate as I was clutching to him.

Everything laid in that one kiss. Our first kiss, our last kiss. A kiss of death. A kiss of ice-cold betrayal. But I was giving it to him, with all the passion I kept in my heart especially for him and it was flowing out so fast it was overwhelming. My tongue was in his mouth and my heart was about to jump out.

It was almost like an apology, like an 'I don't want to, but I'll do it anyway', like a pathetic excuse. It was like my own verdict of death, my own torture. It was what I had dreamt of doing for so long now, but it was cold also.

It was the bitter taste after that poisoned my senses, the venom that laid in the hereafter, in the moment after. Kisses never last forever, just like happiness was only there to shatter.

_Thump. Thump. Thump._

I backed away, breathing hard and I stared at him. It was as if I was asking him once more permission to kill him.

He smiled. He didn't nod or shook his head. He didn't cry. He didn't complain. He didn't back down. He didn't crawl back. He didn't stare at me in fear. He didn't even wince.

He smiled.

At me.

The man who was going to kill him.

"I love you," I slowly whispered again.

"I know," he answered, and it was the most beautiful confession I could ask for.

Our live had never been about being kissed in the rain, with the stars keeping watch over you. Our lives had never been a bed of roses.

To know that someone loves you, was the best we had. To know that there was someone in the world you could trust, was heart-mending.

"Give me a smile back," he said casually, as if he wasn't going to die.

"What?"

"Smile back, like you did before. We don't need to say goodbye, we both do poor jobs at that."

He had been asking me to do impossible things a lot lately. But I did it, simply because he asked me.

I smiled and it was the most horrible thing I ever did in my entire life. I smiled and it felt like everything froze and broke. I whipped my tears, took a deep breath and smiled him my broadest smile.

He was still smiling back, that half-smile, that tired movement of his lips, that miniscule, almost unnoticeable smile of his.

His smile killed me. It drove me insane. It disgusted me. He wasn't supposed to smile when I was going to take his life.

So I couldn't stand it anymore, and once more I kissed him, fiercely. Like an unrequited love, a one-sided conversation, an unanswered phone-call. Like hope that was only meant to break. Like a desperate soul, jumping into the dark.

My hands were on his back and I gathered enough energy to kill him. I knew he was still smiling.

I knew I was still smiling through my tears, through my heartache, through this.

If I were to kill Piccolo, I'd want to kill myself too. We'd go down together, whether he wanted it or not. I would smile for him, for eternity. Forever, we'd be together, like our earth will forever dance around the sun.

I could not be apart from Piccolo, since he held my heart.

The energy ball in my hand lifted up the cave in an agonizing blue light.

His heart beat against my chest hard.

We both knew how this was going to end. We both knew exactly how the rest of our lives would go.

I would gather the energy I needed to kill him.

He would pretend he didn't notice.

I would weep and fire the shot.

Blood would be spilled.

My unheard apology would be accepted.

His invisible act of heroism would be burnt in my heart, and it would never leave.

He would still be beautiful, in all his broken, forgotten glory.

He would die, and I would die along with him.

And in that final moment, he was still smiling in our kiss.

_Thump. Thump. Thump._

This --

was the end.

* * *

--

--

--

Or is it? Of course it's not! Well, sort of not. This is the end, of sorts, and the chapters that will follow will explain just how the hell they winded up here. Yes, yes, it's yaoi. Muhaha. Because I can. Because I am awesome. I wrote this some time ago, but then I got tired of waiting for someone to BETA it (no offense, seriously). So I posted it. Pretty much un-BETA'd. Yes. I am pure evil.

So, some explanations: It's set before the Buu-saga thingiej, but after Gohan is on High School. So yes, he knows Videl already, but he wasn't dating her or something. Uhm, I will explain who 'she' is. Obviously a bad girl, though!

Yosh, this is completely different from anything I did before. I'll be combining the action-like nature of DBZ, though you can't expect me to be just as awesome, and the romantic nature of Jazy's angst-filled, love-stained stories. Because I can, again.

Yes, yes, I suck at keeping characters IC. I admit, I honestly do. But please just live with it? Though, if anyone has this awesome deep analysis of Videl, let me hear it. I seriously have no idea how to deepen out her character, which shall happen in later chapters.

As you noticed (or maybe you forget already) underneath the chapter title, there is a name. In this case it was Gohan. This means it was from Gohan's point of view. This story shall be told from Gohan's, Videl's and of course Piccolo's POV.

Soooo... Constructive critism? Praises? Empty bottles, rotten tomatoes waiting to be smashed at my face? Death treaths when I don't update quickly? Whatever it is, let me hear it! XD In a review, maybe? -smile cutely-

I guess that was it, then.

-- Jazy!


	2. Interlude: For this Child's Sake

_**Paper Wings.**_

_No blinding light or tunnels to gates of white  
Just our hands clasped so tight  
Waiting for the hint of a spark_

_If there's no one beside you  
When your soul embarks  
Then I'll follow you into the dark_

_The time for sleep is now;  
it's nothing to cry about._

-

-

-

**Interlude: **For this child's sake.  
(Piccolo)

This was for Gohan. This was purely and only for Gohan's sake.

Always.  
Always.

Even to myself, it sounded strange to state this when I knew how much he'd cry when I told him this. Still, I wouldn't change my mind. I wouldn't be persuaded. Not this time. He could cry all he wanted, it wouldn't matter.

As long as he would live, it was fine.

Right?  
Right.

I wouldn't doubt myself, wouldn't second guess my opinion. I had made a choice; all I needed to do now was walk down that path. This painful road of self-destruction, of disarray, impossible to survive: but it was a road I would walk, a path I would take.

The end did not matter. And even though Gohan would be crying now, he'd smile when he'd save this world. He'd smile without me, live on without me and grow old without me.

He couldn't do these things with me anymore. And that was fine, that was perfectly fine.

We had seen our best days. We had laughed.

This was fine.  
Totally fine.

Was it?  
It was.

They were both on the edge of crying and I hadn't even spoken yet. Poor, abandoned children, caught up in a game that was too much for them. There was a part of me that wanted to tell them things would be fine, that before I would die, they would be able to smile again.

But I wouldn't,  
I couldn't,  
I shouldn't.

I wasn't going to give them false hope anymore. They had walked in my shadow for too long now. They had been nothing but little dolls, who had happily given me the strings to their lives. But not anymore, not anymore. They had to live for themselves now.

I knew they would do just fine.

Both of them.

Videl, Gohan. How ironic it was that I was unable to say a goodbye – no matter how loud or soft, no matter how strained – to those two. They had grown so much, changed so much.

But they were still children, somehow, forever.

It was painful to realise how much I loved them both. How much I loved Videl and her short-tempered actions, her never-ending compassion, how she always, always got back on her feet. How much I loved Gohan, with that unstoppable source of some kind of deeper strength, his smile that never faded, and his heart that still beat for everyone.

Some part of me – and it was growing bigger with every passing minute now – screamed that I needed to stay with them. I needed to look after them, to be there even if I wouldn't be able to change anything. I didn't want to leave.

But I had to.  
I simply had to.

"Gohan, Videl," I said, quickly, as to not make my voice break in a weird spot.

I couldn't show any weakness now.

"Piccolo?" Gohan scooted closer to me. Videl took a few steps forward, clenching her bruised hands to fists. It was like she smelled it when people were about to hurt Gohan.

And I was going to hurt them, like no one had ever hurt him before.

"I have a request – a demand, to ask both of you."

Videl stopped breathing, but she nodded slowly. Gohan just looked at me, his eyes huge. It seemed cruel to even me to break this fragile wall they build up around themselves.

"I need you," I started and what I added flew a lot more easily over my lips than I had anticipated: "to kill me."

It was like I stabbed through both of them with a burning knife. Gohan literally fell back, staring at me in anguish. Videl looked down, her hair hiding her eyes. Her shoulders started to shake slightly, but the sobs, the crying didn't come.

Up,  
Down,  
Sob.

"No! No! No!" Gohan screamed then.

No, No, No, the walls echoed coldly.

"Yes, you will," I answered back, my voice strained with something.

Videl sunk to her knees, hugged herself and stared at me. Her eyes were dry, awfully dry, lips pressed together into a tight line; the image of a statue on the edge of breaking down.

Gohan on the other hand jumped up and started pacing up and down, throwing his hands in the air and cursing, shouting, screaming, then suddenly whispering.

"Gohan!" I called him to order.

He turned so abruptly to see me, he had to take a step backwards not to fall.

"You can hesitate all you want, in the end you know I'm right."

"You're always right, aren't you?" he bit back, venomously, bitterly – blaming.

"Gohan!" Videl shrieked. "Don't do this!"

"What? You **agree **with him? You want to **kill **him? You do understand what's he's saying, right? Right?!"

"Of course I do, Gohan!" she stood up as well, smashing her hand to one side in a painful, twisted gesture. "You may all think I'm just a stupid, little helpless girl, but I'm not! I'm not!"

"I wasn't—"

"Shut the hell up, both of you!" I managed to raise my voice to a volume that made both of them look away in shame, crossing their arms in perfectly mirrored fluency over their chest.

They really were children, and they were acting like daddy dear was going to leave them. I resisted the urge to sigh. After all, I wouldn't want to be told to kill Gohan – or Videl – either.

"I know both of you don't want me to die. I know this isn't easy. But, Gohan, listen to me," I shook my head almost wistfully, then mentally flinched at my behaviour: "listen to me just this once."

He swallowed and his fingers sunk deep into his arms. They would leave bruises.

All this would leave so many scars of little Gohan.

Scars on his arms,  
on his legs,  
on his back,  
on his face,  
on his heart.

And they weren't going to go away anymore. It made me sick, to know that I'd be adding one to the many. It made me physically ill to know what I was asking Gohan. But he was Gohan, and he could do it.

I was proud of that little kid, more than he could ever realise. And he had grown so strong, so awfully indestructible that I knew he could take all of this, even if he'd be convinced he wouldn't.

"You have to do this, you understand? Don't worry about me, I can take it --  
"You can take everything!" he fired back, bitterly.  
"Let me finish."  
"No!"  
"Gohan! Stop being such an ass and kill me!"

No matter how stupid that sounded, no one was laughing. Videl just sunk once more on her knees, staring at the ground. I knew how she was wishing to be anywhere but here. Gohan was staring at me, perfectly still, like a statue of a broken hearted man.

"But I can't. Even if I'd want to, I wouldn't be able to," he was laughing now: that horrible, empty, hollow laugh he had gained through the days we spend in a world like this.

"You can," I assured him. "You can and you will."

"There must be another way…" Videl protested meekly.

"What way then? Are you going to make a miracle happen? Are you going to defeat her and save me, in what – just an hour? We've fought for months now, Videl, months. I know you two can defeat her. I know you two will. I'm counting on that. It just won't be in time to save me anymore," I winced at how indifferent I sounded.

"Don't you fucking dare to be this calm about it!" Gohan screamed, turning around and hitting wall.

I knew that would be where the crying would start.

And it did.

It started heartbreakingly, awfully, painfully. He was sobbing, his shoulders shaking so fast I thought they would dislocate.

The irony of life. How many times hadn't I seen him cry? How many times had I seen those tears flow over his cheeks?

Yet, every single time again, it hurt. It made my stomach twist, made me want to take back what I said, made me want to change whatever I had to change to just – please – make him stop crying. But I couldn't.

Up,  
down,  
sob.

Sob, sob, sob.  
Weep.  
Cry.

"Gohan, stop that," I snapped, a little harsher than I meant to.

He just turned around, shook his head and I watched how his tears made the ground colour in darker spots where they fell. Videl stood up and slowly walked over to him, hugging him. He gripped her tightly, and I almost wanted to call out and tell him to watch our or he might break her, but I didn't. I didn't say a word, like I never did.

It shouldn't hurt like this, I told myself, I shouldn't care about them this much. It was better if I didn't care. It was better if I didn't feel.

It was better if I didn't live.

He clung to her hopelessly, and with her chin resting on his shoulder she was still staring at me, with a look that I could not name.

Anger  
Indignity  
Despair  
The slightest hint of a tear,

It was all inside these blue, blue eyes of her, suddenly dulled to a blunt grey.

"The three of us forever, right?" she said then, firmly, accusing.

It made Gohan freeze, made my heart skip a painful, unheard beat. Slowly, he pushed her away, softly, almost like the action was hurting him. His hand slipped over her arm, until he was holding her hand and with their hands intertwined they were both looking at me.

"Forever ends now," I answered back.

Forever,  
doesn't need to be that awfully long.

Forever,  
the rest of our lives,  
never,  
starting tomorrow,  
All these were useless to us now.

Yes, we'd be together for as long as we would live. As far as I knew, my life would end here.

I didn't break my promise.

"The three of us," Gohan repeated, slowly, like he never said it before, like he had to think about these words. "Forever."

"Forever ends here!" I replied, firmly, calmly, without the slightest hint of pain. "My forever ends here."

He shook his head, and she stared at me, still.

"We still have time left --"

"Not enough. It's not enough time. There's just simply not enough time. For fuck's sake, what does my life matter? What does it matter? I'll just be another victim, by now you two should sure be used to death. It's enough, this is the end," for once, the words poured out me like a burning acid that I was unable to stop.

How we all wished we could turn back time, take things back, do it differently. How pathetic we all were.

"But it's you!" Gohan screamed back, releasing her hand to sink down upon his knees next to me. He hit the ground with a soft 'thud'. Painful, aching. I was aware I was killing the boy, and it made me want to throw up.

But he'd be okay. He had Videl now. Pretty, lively, strong Videl, and she would take care of him. She would take care of him like I would've taken care of him. She would watch out for him, be more of a friend than I could be. She would give him that kind of love he wanted, since he was human. Half-human, but human still.

And it was so much more than I could ever be, so I didn't mind anymore. There just was no use in fighting anymore. I lost.

This time, I lost in everything.

She was still looking at us. Gohan was still staring at me. It unnerved me in some way.

"Look. You **will **kill me Gohan, simply because I tell you to. Face yourself, kid, you still don't have the guts to defy me, not even when my life's at stake," I held back the tired, aching sigh. "Don't worry, though, it's what I taught you to do, so you're merely being a good student. But, Gohan, if I know you're going to kill me, if you know that you're going to kill me, hell, if Videl knows you will kill me and won't even blame you for it: can you, please, for once not be an idiot and kill me?"

Some part of me was laughing loudly at my attempt to get myself killed. I suppose that this was what love did to you.

It didn't **save** you.  
It killed you.  
I ripped you open,  
tore you apart,  
made you want to scream,  
made you beg for your own demise,  
simply because it made you realise you lost.

An act of love. All of this was merely that: my silent a confession of love, the confession that even I got scared – scared to thoughtlessly destroy all I loved.

"I – I definitely…" he started, but he wasn't so sure how to end it – he knew I was right.

"I didn't work this hard to change, just to end up at the starting point **again!**" I said, and my voice broke in a weird spot, making me swallow back the pain.

Hold it back, Piccolo, for they can still see you. Right now, they can still care.

And I was still scared of that. That still, honestly, frightened me.

This would be my only mistake tonight. The first, the last.

Gohan stared at me, his eyes suddenly filled with something else. That was where he stood up, and nodded.

"Okay."

It was silent, broken, aching, merely a whisper, a fleeting sound.

Videl nodded as well, bit her lip and turned away. She paced up and down for a little while, until she suddenly came to a halt, standing perfectly still.

"I… I'll try… but, but…" he shook his head, and I realised he had never been more desperate.

"You still have an hour," I said wryly.

"An hour," he laughed, and then in one sudden, swift movement he was holding me in some sort of embrace. "I have an hour left with you and I need to think of how to kill you. An hour. One fucking hour."

I didn't react at all. He was more talking to himself than to me, anyway. I glanced up at Videl, but looked away again when I saw the raw pain in her eyes. I hated both of them for that sometimes, how they were so incapable of hiding their emotions, how they always acted like their pain really hurt, when I was unable to even do as much as name mine. It didn't seem fair. Now, I was sort of happy of my lack of emotional knowledge. What I did not know, could not hurt me.

I still hurt, though, whatever it was exactly.

"Gohan," I said then, my voice strangely soft, so I coughed and spoke louder: "Videl."

She turned around slowly, like opening a rusty old door. Through her dry tears she stared at me. Gohan didn't even try to look up, he just pressed himself against me a little harder, as if to sign he had heard me.

"I'm really proud of both of you."

"Don't be fucking proud of us when we'll kill you, you sick bastard!" Videl shouted, and her fist hit the stone wall hard.

Another bruise on her poor, wounded hands. Another scar on her poor, broken heart. Heartache, another failed life.

She made me want to take my words back.

"Don't be fucking proud! Don't you be this fucking calm!" she cursed, pounding the wall mercilessly. "Don't! Don't! Just – don't…"

Her screaming turned to talking, her talking to whispering, her whispering to sobbing, and her sobbing to a heartbreaking cry.

She slid down the wall.

"I hope you go to hell," she whispered, through clenched teeth.

It made my aching heart skip a beat. But I didn't say a word; it wasn't like I didn't deserve it anyway.

"I probably will."

"It's not his fault, Videl," Gohan's muffled voice broke through our silence.

"I know!" she whispered hoarsely. She laughed emptily. "I just can't get used to that damn emotionless behaviour of his. It still sickens me."

Gohan flinched. I knew he wanted to snap back at her, in his childish protectiveness, but Videl spoke before he could do so.

"It sickens me to know how less he cares about his own death, when it will hurt us this much. It sickens me to know how many tears we'll cry over him, and he won't even have the decency to freak out. It sickens me how he can be this calm when we –," she gasped, sought for air, rubbed her still dry eyes, "when we love him so much."

Love.  
That funny, painful little called love, huh?  
And now I had it? Now it was mine? Now I was loved?  
Why?  
How come?

Gohan's tears left wet spots on my shoulder. They burnt, it seemed, their way right through somewhere deeper.

"I know that," it was like some sick confession of my worst crime, and it was so much less painful than I thought it would be. "I know you two care, but that's exactly why you can't let me live."

"That doesn't make sense," she argued back.

"Life never made sense," I fired back.

"He cares," Gohan whispered, so softly I wasn't even sure if Videl, -- or me, for that matter – was supposed to hear it. "He cares." Like he was convincing himself.

Of course I cared.

I didn't have this many scares, this many never-healing wounds,  
I didn't endure this much pain, this much agony,  
just not to care.

I cared. I cared. And that was exactly what I shouldn't do.

It became silent. Gohan's quiet sobbing, Videl's restless heartbeat and my painful breathing was all I could hear for a while.

There were a lot of conversations that would be looked down upon like they never happened. Confessions of some sort, weaknesses, insults, pain. Words that never should be said, unspoken promises worded.

("I can't fucking do it."  
(Weep.)  
("You can do it."  
(Smile.)  
("No! No! I can't! I can't!"  
(Cry.)  
("Just think about her. Just do it for Videl."  
(Gasp.)  
("If only that freak..."  
(Sigh.)  
("But she did, Gohan, and she won this round. Don't let her win game."  
(Beg.)  
("But you always save everyone, let us save you this time."  
(Regret.)

("But I _**love **_you. I love you."  
(Smile.)  
("I know."

Time was slipping through our fingers, like sand, like the wind.

And then, in a rush of tears, pain, confusion, relief, and acceptance his lips were pressed against mine, his hand slowly gathering the energy he needed to kill me. I didn't protest – what good would any more protest do? What good would denying Gohan's last unasked favour do?

What good would any of this do in a world this screwed up?

A little smile crept across my face.

I always knew. I always knew Gohan would be the death of me. And like always, it seemed like I was right in the end.

Like a bullet fired into the air, like a broken video that kept playing endlessly, like nothing, I could see my life flashing before my eyes.

It brought me right back to the start.  
The start of everything.

Meet the end. Meet our mistakes.

Meet this little, screwed up family bonded by nothing but a love beyond compare.

* * *

-

-

-

Hello again! It's me once more! With an update! I am extremely proud of myself, actually. -cough- I got stuck at this chapter, so I rewrote it three times. Yeah... Sad, huh? I'm still not really satisfied with this, but I thought I had to get that stick out of my ass and just post it! At least it's something?

Right.

Before I forget. I don't own DBZ. Pretty sure you guessed that, didn't ya! The song featured above the chapter is _I will follow you into the dark _sung by _Death cab for cutie. _The song used in the previous chapter is _Paper wings _by _Rise Against._

I'll probably be using a song in each chapter! I love it when other people do that... so why not steal their awesome ideas? -evil laugh-

Again: this is **un-beta'd. **If someone wants to help this poor girl out and help her, say something. I'd love to have a Beta! -smile-

Uhm. This chapter is a little interlude and after this the flashbacks will begin again, starting from Gohan's point of view again. Don't think I'll skip Videl, she'll have her time to shine soon enough! XD

Please review? Tell me anything you think! I tried to be less repetive this time, but I think I failed miserably. Oh well, I tried! At least I tried! XDD

-- Jazy out!


	3. Because I Am Me

_**Paper Wings.**_

_We live happily ever trapped,  
if you just save my life.  
Run and tell the angels  
that everything is alright._

-

-

-

**First step: **Because I am me.  
(Gohan)

If only I had been stronger, this wouldn't have happened. If only I would've had more of a spine, Piccolo never would've had to suffer like he did. I thought those lines so many times; they repeated so many times, they had become a part of me.

It was almost like society wanted me to be weak. Mum never wanted me to be a hero; she only laughed at me face and told me how wrong I was. Mum never believed in me. She wanted me to become a scholar, to have a 'future' like 'normal' humans.

I am not normal. I am not. Trust me, I've tried to be, wished I was, but I am not.

I've tried to explain my mum again and again that there was no point in being good at maths when there was no world left. Without this earth, we were nothing. But, as I stated before, I also suffer from the severe lack of a spine, so I always gave in.

I always gave in. I gave in to mum, to dad, to the whole world. What 'Gohan' wanted, did never really matter. Mum told me to study, so I studied. Dad told me to fight this maniac, so I fought him. And that I was devastated, that it killed me, that I would never survive doing that, was something that never really mattered.

The only one, who ever cared about Gohan, was Piccolo. The only one who ever thought about how I would feel, about how I would want to do it, was him.

Needless to say, I love him for that. Needless to say, the cause of my lack of spine was also his doing. That might sound weird, for he was not exactly the softest among people and he always told me to do what I thought was right, regardless of everyone else's their opinion. He taught me to stand up for myself, because only with that, I would survive in this harsh world.

But, and here is the huge 'but' that made this all happen: I could always count on someone. I was a brat, and it didn't matter that I had no spine, because there was Piccolo and my dad, though the latter wasn't always there. But Piccolo was. I know that ever since I was eleven, I've been stronger than him (or at least physically). I know that, if I wanted to, I could defeat him easily. I know that he was no match for me.

I'm not saying he was weak, because hell, Piccolo is not. I'd never ever think that. I'm only trying to explain that I am a coward, contrary to the popular believe.

I never believed in my own judgement. I never believed in myself, since no one else really did, except for him. So that was why I kept counting on him. That was exactly the reason why I never needed to be stronger or better or more.

I had Piccolo. And he'd save me.

It's like a habit. It's like learning a telephone number wrongly. Once you know it by heart, once you learnt it, you cannot learn it differently, even when you knew it was wrong. I knew I shouldn't be counting on him like that anymore. I knew I was not a child anymore. I knew I had to stand on my own two feet now.

But I never did. I just kept looking over my shoulder for him to show up.

And that's why this happened. Like usually, I screwed up everything. Everything I did seem to have these awful consequences. When my dad saved the world, and he did it so many times, there did happen bad things sometime, but most of the time we were all just beaten up and had to spend a few weeks at the hospital. And that'd be it.

When I saved the world, --and I only did that like once—my father died. When I saved the world, I was swallowed by guilt, and it never left. When I saved the world, it first needed to die so badly, and I had to lose half of my heart.

It was not that I was not used to living without a father. I still had Piccolo.

It was that feeling, that realisation of 'If I had done this, this wouldn't have happened.'

When my dad 'died' on Namek, I was sad. But I couldn't have changed that. There had been nothing I could do. It was not my mistake; I could hate him for it. Yeah, I did. No one knew, of course, except for Piccolo.

( ... The same rules just don't apply for him. They just don't. Piccolo knew everything when no one did. So basically when I say 'no one knew' I mean everyone except for him.)

That feeling, after my father died in the fight with Cell, was completely different. I could have changed that. If only I had not been blinded by hate, I would have had everything.

And that is why I am not a hero. That is why my judgement should never be trusted. That is why I let this happen, why I was unable to stop this.

I am weak, spineless. No, I don't have a low self-esteem. I just learnt how to be rational, how to analyze things.

And yes, I did learn all of that from Piccolo. Who else?

Just who else in this godforsaken world was ever there for me if it was not him?

-

**X-- ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... –X**

**-**

The day was hot, like any normal day in summer would be. My window was wide open, the wind gushing through it as a welcome breeze now and then. I was finishing my maths, (okay, I was actually just drawing something random on the pages...) and waiting for something. I never realised what exactly it was I was waiting for. Just something, whether it be big and spectacular or quiet and unnoticed. My eyes were darting across the room absently, my pen clicking on my desk in that stupid rhythm it always had.

I never liked change that much. Which was why my room was still exactly the same as it was when I was five. There was still that desk against my wall, the bookshelf, my little bed pressed against the wall opposite of my desk. The only change was that I now had a computer. It took me so long to get used to that. I am fairly pathetic, I realise.

I sat there, waiting. Whatever I was waiting on didn't happen. It never happened. I shook my head and stared at the pages again. The exercises were easy, which also made them boring. There is nothing fun about solving something you already know the answer to. There is nothing fun about doing things you can. Easy equals boring.

(Another thing I picked up from Piccolo.)

Sighing, I tried to get myself to solve them anyway, because my mum wouldn't laugh with my explanation of 'easy is boring, so I didn't solve it!' I never liked change, as I said before, so I never tried to stand up against my mum. I never tried to tell her I didn't like this; that this wasn't what I wanted to do. But we were at peace now, she said, I needed to study now.

(Piccolo would die if he saw how much weaker I had become. I almost felt sorry for him, knowing how much effort he put into training me and now I was throwing everything away for maths.)

Oh, the pain of being.

My pen silently scratched over the papers as I wrote down the right answers. Well, silently for me. When Piccolo was with us, to train to defeat the androids, he once shouted at me that I needed to stop that annoying sound. I asked him what I did, since I had been studying and just writing down answers. He had sat in my room, just doing... something. Or nothing. It was the day I learnt that to him, my pencil scraping over the paper sounded pretty loud, especially when everyone else was silent. And it was not a pretty sound, apparently. I never looked at my pencil the same way.

... And just how in the world did my thoughts once more stray to Piccolo?

(I am obsessed.)

There was just nothing I could do to help it. There was so much that reminded me of Piccolo. So much that he and I shared, when no one else would even care. It was natural, I guess.

And when one was bored, one thought of everything else that was nice. Which made Piccolo sound like a lollipop or something.

I laughed at the thought (of a green lollipop with antennas and a cape). Other than that, I am completely normal. Okay, that is a lie.

In any case, I had finished my homework and I was still waiting. My room was silent, extremely silent for me. I could hear mum humming in the kitchen, she was probably doing either the dishes, cleaning up or cooking. Judging the smell, she was cooking. It was almost lunchtime. Goten was gone, probably to go play with Trunks.

He always got all the fun. Mum never made him study like me. Pff, the little, spoiled brat. I loved him to bits though; there is no way to express how happy I was about mum not torturing him with knowledge.

I wanted to fight, do to something fun. A fight was never easy, never known. Maths, biology, geography... after a time, it was all just the same. Knowledge stank.

I didn't want to waste my life with this. I didn't want to be found dead with my nose in a book. I wanted to go with a boom, with a huge bang.

No idea why I was thinking about my death on a peaceful summer day. I do have some weird wires in my brain.

When she knocked on my window, I literally fell out my chair. Add a yelp and I would've buried myself alive there. Be happy I didn't yell.

"Hey," she said, laughing, hopping inside.

"Hey, Videl," I answered, pushing myself up.

We both completely ignored the fact I had just fallen out of my chair like a sissy girl. It was something I liked about her. She just stared at you with that look of 'you seriously have a problem,' and she had that laugh, but she never ever made some nasty comment.

I knew she'd love to.

"Surprised I stopped by?" she said, a giggle controlled.

"No," I replied, trying my hardest to hold back laughter myself.

When you embarrassed yourself, you better laugh it off. It somehow made things less painful.

"I was waiting for you all the time."

She nodded, raising her brows high. Her blue eyes fell on my maths book then, and she made a gesture at it.

"Finished homework already?" she asked, taking a step closer.

I nodded, closing the book. I gave her a look when she looked at me and a smile came upon her face. People could be really predictable. I knew exactly what she was going to ask, so before she could even open her mouth I said: "and no, Videl, you cannot go and copy it."

She laughed, looking innocently. Her huge blue eyes looked even bigger. Sometimes, I wondered how long it took her to blink. It had to be more than an average person. She had eyes the size of a balloon. And I loved them.

Fine, I might've had something like a crush on her. She was cute, in some weird kind of way she really was. If things had not gone like they had gone, I could've really loved her. I could've really fallen in love with her. But thoughts like these are useless, because things went as they did.

"Awh! I wasn't going to ask that!" she defended herself.

"Of course you weren't," I agreed, sounding not so very convinced.

"But I can still reveal your secret," she smiled.

"I can reveal yours? Partners in justice, you remember?" I replied.

Yeah, she had joined me. Beyond awesome. Now we were fighting crime in our super cool costumes together and there was no blackmail anymore. I should so not be in love with a girl who blackmailed me. One of these weird wires again.

"Damn," she cursed, "now I've lost all control about you!"

"You could always say 'please' and look at me with these puppy-eyes..." I suggested casually, shrugging.

Perhaps I enjoyed having no backbone and having my first opinion ignored. Or perhaps I just really, really liked the puppy-eyes.

Everyone (except for Piccolo and Vegeta, that is) would melt for those.

So she did give me that look, laughing while she did so. She could be a real vague person. Depending on the day, she might either hit me for saying she had puppy eyes, and another day, like this one, she would give me that look. I didn't know she had a crush on me too, at that time.

Funny, wasn't it? If I had known then, would things go like they did? Would I have tried so hard to save Piccolo, just as hard as I did now? Would I have saved him? Would Videl have followed him, in her determination to show him she could be of any use? Would the outcome of this whole thing be the same?

Love could change everything after all, right? Though, something tells me I would've always fought for Piccolo as hard as I did. Girlfriend or not, Piccolo would always be the first place. Always.

"So," I started, "you came here to see if my homework was done and you could copy it?"

She laughed, while shaking her head.

"My dad told me today they were having a new World Tournament, at the end of summer. I just thought you might be interested," she explained.

"Sounds awesome!" I cheered. My happiness shrunk a little when I realised I had to ask my mum's permission, so I sighed and hung my shoulders. "If my mum will let me, that is."

The door opened behind me and mum came in, almost as if on cue.

"Sweetie, lunch's rea-" a huge smile came upon mum's face when she saw Videl.

She really, really liked Videl. I knew this because Videl was probably the only person in the world who was allowed to interrupt my studying. Mum couldn't wait until we got married. Pretty awkward, if you asked me. But no one ever asked me. Mum didn't care what I thought of this whole thing.

No one ever really cared. That's why I stopped caring too.

"Oh, hello Videl, I didn't know you were stopping by," mum's high-pitched voice sounded light as air. "Why don't you join us for lunch?"

Videl smiled politely, as she looked at me questionably. I shrugged, something I had better not done, for she narrowed her eyes slightly, which meant I had pissed her off. I realised an enthusiast nod would've been better.

"I'd love to," she answered back.

I tuned out mum's high-pitched talking and Videl's polite answers. It was not that I didn't love both of them; it was just that this was becoming such a regular thing, and there was no need for me to care. All I had to do was act like I did, and things would be alright.

Don't get me wrong, I was happy. I guess I really was. Perhaps I fooled them so long, I started fooling myself too, but I don't think so. I had a lot of things to be happy about. I was happy. Thinking back of it now, moments like these are what a life is based on. No need for dramatic fights, for epic battles, for heart wrenching star-crossed love-confessions.

No, just living is enough, if I think about it now. But, I am going to be honest and not sentimental. So, I'll tell you, honestly, that back then I sort of tuned moments like these out and did not care for them.

Happiness is an overly fragile thing.

I took place at the table, as my mum put down the food on the table. Videl still looked a little dazzled at the amount of it, but not as much as the first time. She did shuffle as far from me as she could though. I wondered why.

Lunch was more of regularity, and I ate without thinking, really. I could've choked in it and not noticed. My thoughts started to wander off again, and I stared out of the window. I really wanted to go and see Piccolo, but as things were looking at that moment, that wouldn't happen.

I could always ask Videl to race me and then 'accidentally' race towards Piccolo. I smiled a little at the thought.

"Gohan, sweetie?"

Mum's voice cut through the daydreaming. I blinked, focusing my attention on her. Videl gave me a strange look, but I decided to ignore it.

"Yes, mum?" I asked, to sign she had my attention.

"Did you finish your homework?" she said, obviously for what must be at least the third time. I could tell by the slightly concerned/annoyed tone.

"Yup, all done," I nodded back.

"That's good. Why don't you and Videl go do something fun then?" she was smiling so innocently, it made even me suspicious.

Something fun. Like dating, she meant probably. I didn't want to do something fun with Videl. Not because I didn't like her, but because I was quite sure something fun did not involve going to Piccolo.

And your mum telling you to date your crush was beyond embarrassing. Sometimes, I wished my mum had gotten a little more tact when she was born. Not that I don't love her to bits.

Videl was staring at my floor embarrassedly. She probably also got the underlying message, which made this all more embarrassing. I must've been blushing, because suddenly mum stood up and laughed nervously.

Why did I have to be in situations like these? My mum's laughter didn't make it any better, so Videl started coughing up some 'no, no, that's okays'. I shrugged and looked at her apologetically.

Sometimes I felt bad for her, being the chosen one in my mother's eyes.

"Well, I'll walk you home then," I said, just to say something.

We both knew I wasn't really going to do that and half-way to her house we were going to do something else. I wasn't sure what exactly. Videl nodded and muttered a still embarrassed 'bye' to my mum. She laughed and told Videl to stop by some more.

Yeah, as if she was going to do that when each time she came here mum ended up embarrassing our both. I was so lucky Goten was gone, or I would've ended up looking as crimson as some fresh tomato... for what must be the hundredth time.

I closed the door behind me softly.

"Your mum **has **to stop doing that," Videl laughed as soon as the door hit the lock.

"She should," I agreed. I shrugged then, starting to walk away from my home. She followed me. A faint pink shade was upon her cheeks, making her look like a doll just bought from a store. It didn't really make talking easier.

"Hey! I can fly a lot faster now; do you want to race me?" Videl said after the awkward silence had lasted long enough for her taste.

I looked up, blinked a few times. It always felt weird when someone broke a silence, no matter how awkward. I smiled then, and nodded, while saying: "sure thing."

"And don't even think about letting me win this time!" she said, half-laughing, half-serious.

I winced at the memory. I had let her win once, and she had found out (I really suck at lying when it comes to such things). She got angry, for... some reason? Apparently, she thought me letting her win meant something as me not believing she could actually be good. I'm still not quite sure why, but I've tried to convince her it was not. After scolding me for about an hour, she didn't talk to me for about a week.

"Never again."

Like hell I was ever going to let her win again. I'd win this time... with a slight difference, because she couldn't possibly hate me for that.

"See you!" she laughed, as she jumped up and took flight.

"Eh! That's cheating!" I exclaimed.

She looked over her shoulder and laughed. She looked incredibly beautiful like that. I ran a little bit and then jumped up as well, quickly flying next to her. I always enjoyed flying. It's that sudden rush of freedom, like a voice in the back of your mind telling you that you can do every single thing, that you could be everywhere. It's like no one in the world could touch me when I was high in the sky, when my fingers could brush against the clouds.

I guess I'm just a hopeless romantic soul, or something.

Or perhaps here, in the blue, cloudless vast sky, was the most free I'd ever be.

She had indeed learnt to fly a lot faster. I smiled, suppressing my speed so I was right next to her. She looked at me with that spirit filled look and narrowed her eyes. With a sudden burst of energy she flew ahead of me.

If she really wanted to be fast like me, she should go to Piccolo. No way I could be a better teach than him.

And once more, everything in my world was brought to Piccolo. I smiled to no one in particular and flew a little faster until I was next to Videl again.

"Wah! Don't you ever get behind?" she snarled at me, full of affection.

She was a proud girl, but she could live with her flaws, unlike a lot of other people I knew. She'd do everything she could to make things better, because after all she was Videl, the oh-so-great Mr. Satan's little girl and she had a reputation she held in high regard. But if she could not reach something, she wouldn't die because of it. She wouldn't easily give up, but she'd accept things.

Or at least that's what I thought, because she never hit me for being faster than her.

"Well, I have to try a lot harder now to keep up," I laughed, in some sort of strange comfort.

"One day, I'll outrace you!" she promised me, as in her eyes lay the concentrated look she had when she was trying her hardest.

She looked absolutely stunning like that. She really, really did. I opened my mouth to tell her that, but then thought the better of it. I decided getting punched in the face at this height would not be good. Not that she'd punch me that hard I'd crash, but as long as she was watching I had to pretend she was stronger than she was, and more importantly, that I was a lot weaker than I was. I didn't want her to think of me as some alien freak.

I'd been the freak enough times in my live to know it absolutely sucks.

She looked at me, the question burning in her eyes.

"What?"

"Nothing, you looked like you were going to say something."

Her words were calm and it was like she had to think about each one. She was clearly putting all her focus into flying this fast. The world rushed underneath us like a playground.

"I was... I wanted to ask you if you wanted to meet someone," I blurted out, in a pathetic attempt to save my skin.

She slowed down slightly, turned to me and continued flying backwards.

"Depends," she said then.

"On what?"

"On whether this person is worth meeting or not."

"He is," I smiled.

If someone was worth meeting in this world, it must be Piccolo. Though he might not really like that.

"Then let's go and meet him!" she smiled.

When we rushed through the air like two birds seeking freedom, my throat suddenly got drier and drier. An awful feeling of some luring danger crept up my spine. It was like a voice in my head admonished me already.

The closer we got to Piccolo, the worse the feeling got. It was almost as if, by the point we would've reach him, I would've dropped dead. I looked at the ground, carefully making sure Videl saw nothing of my distress, caused by something unknown luring in the shadows.

I didn't know why it was, that I was feeling this nervous and jumpy. There was nothing wrong with introducing two people to each other. Piccolo wouldn't be that annoyed at me for interrupting his training, or whatever.

Still, I had the feeling that introducing my current crush to my best friend would somehow have disastrous consequences.

I had no idea just how disastrous.

-

**X-- ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... –X**

**-**

He was already looking at me, with one eye opened, when our feet touched the ground. Videl blinked a few times. She didn't move, but just simply stared. So far, so good, I guessed.

"Hey!" I started cheerfully.

"Who's that?" he simply demanded to know, not caring for hellos or how-have-you-beens. He never cared for those. If there would be something wrong, I'd come to him anyway.

Videl did flinch at his directness though, albeit almost unnoticed.

"I wanted to introduce you two to each other," I explained.

"That wasn't an answer on my question," he told me, and I could almost feel how he was mentally rolling his eyes. It made me smile, for some weird reason. Being with Piccolo just gave me that sort of safe, happy feeling as if nothing in this whole world could hurt me as long as I was at Piccolo's side. It was a feeling only he gave me, and suddenly Videl looked rather dull in all her blinding beauty.

"Well then, no stalling anymore!" I smiled as I took a step to the side to let him take a better look at Videl, who had been partially hiding behind me.

"Piccolo, this is Videl. Videl, this is Piccolo."

And that was where Videl stared at both of us with these huge, surprised eyes. That was where my stomach turned and I felt like throwing up. Piccolo didn't react at all, however. It wasn't like I expected him to shake hands, or even say hello to her. He never cared for 'human-rituals' like that.

I stared at Videl pleadingly, the silence growing painfully awkward fast. I could be so stupid. I, myself had read in our history books about what had happened so many years ago. I never cared. Piccolo was not like that anymore. Piccolo, my Piccolo, was way better than that. And I loved him, puh, no matter what.

Videl was still staring at me.

Piccolo was still doing absolutely nothing.

I was staring so pathetically, I might as well have fallen on my knees and had pulled on her leg while whining how she should say something.

The sound of the waterfall behind Piccolo, gushing down with another demonstration of nature's unstoppable force, seemed to be the only sound.

The knot in my stomach was killing me.

Just. Say. **Something.**

Anything.

At all.

Something.

"Nice to meet you," she suddenly said, her voice a lot higher than normally, her hand outstretched. Something like a nervous laugh escaped her lungs.

He just looked like her as if a bug was walking over his favourite food. Which was a really stupid metaphor because I never saw him eat. He was giving her the same look **I **would give a bug walking over my favourite food. If I noticed it before I ate it, that was.

"Oh," she laughed awkwardly, "guess you don't do handshakes."

I flinched at the awkwardness of this all. Now Piccolo was giving me the look and in a second I was four again and I had just done something really stupid, like inviting him to my birthday and that same look of annoyance, anger and a little bit of affectionate pity lay in his eyes. He was the only one who could make me hang my head in shame like that.

"What is she, your fiancée?" it was slightly sarcastic, and it made me jump up. Somehow, I had almost expected him to just stand up and walk away, like this had never happened.

"What?!" my eyes became as wide as saucer pans and my cheeks as crimson as fresh tomatoes. Videl had a look that could be compared to mine on her face. I could feel mine burning up, as the knot in my stomach went on a roller coaster ride.

Piccolo had no idea what he said wrong.

"No, no, no," I muttered as I waved my hands in front of myself, as to literally wave his words away, as if to defend myself.

"I'm just a friend from school," Videl said, tracing a hand over her cheeks, probably to keep herself from blushing too.

We were such an awkward, childish trio back then. At that time, when I was trying to explain she was not my fiancée without making it sound that I disliked her, I would've never thought the three of us would face things together like we would. Fate can be a sneaky bastard.

"Then why introducing her to me?" he questioned. Damn him. "You never bothered introducing other friends to me."

I fell silent, trying to find a way to talk myself out of it. He was staring at me, his both eyes opened now and it was so intently I wanted to vanish where I stood. His eyes could pierce to me, it seemed. I swallowed thickly.

"He wanted to be friendly," Videl said, a little of an edge to her voice.

My stomach imploded and I felt like my intestines were dancing around my whole body.

"He knows not to bother me unless it's important."

Videl opened her mouth to say something, but apparently thought the better of it when Piccolo was already acting like both of us didn't exist anymore.

"Oh, Piccolo," I tried, switching the topic not so very smoothly, "Videl told me there's going to be a new tournament. I thought you wanted to know and participate."

He nodded, slowly, almost like he needed all his concentration for that movement. Then, without another word he got out his lotus position a few feet above the ground and before his feet even touched the ground he turned around and flew away. I hated it when he was silent like that.

A bitter taste remained in my mouth, a painful feeling in my chest as I stared how he flew away. Soon, he was nothing more than a dot in the air. And then he was gone, like the wind.

"Well... that didn't go as nicely as I planned," I laughed a little jumpy, scratching the back of my head.

"Che," Videl made that unpleasant sound with her lips, putting her hands in her hips as she as well stared at the point where had vanished into. "I don't see how you could find someone like that nice."

"He's a really great guy if you know him," I tried to defend him.

"Or you're just a really naive boy," she fired back.

"Or a combination of both?" I laughed.

She smiled back. It was a good sign. Smiling was always good, whether people meant it or not. She turned around and flopped on her back, staring at the sky.

"It is really beautiful here, though," she smiled.

"It sure is," I went along with the change of subject.

I was sure that there was no place on this whole earth that possessed more breathtaking beauty than right here. I knew everything like the back of my hand, each cliff, each three, each flower in full bloom. I knew the sound of the waterfall behind me like a second nature. And still, every time I came here, I felt like I had entered paradise and nothing and no one could ever touch me again.

I sat next to Videl and the memories came rushing back like a huge wave.

It was nice, really nice to sit in paradise and talk to my little crush. It was happiness, to sit there calmly and smile about silly, unimportant things.

The sky was blue, the sun poured its sunrays down upon us. Her laugh sounded like music to me and I my heart never beat so fast.

I wish things could've stayed like that forever. I wish we could've sat there until the sky would've fallen down upon us.

Sometimes wishes don't come true.

-

**X-- ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... –X**

**-**

Again, again: unBETA'd. Since I suck like that? No, I'm just a lazy ass writer. Haha. Poor you. Soooo! This is the first real chapter of my story! Nothing really happened... I know. I actually have to write THIS long to say absolutely NOTHING. I should be thrown into a dugeon. Muhahah. Okay, I'm really tired, so forgive me my weirdness. The next few chapters will be this slow, but then action will happen! I promise! Just let me take it slow for a while.

The song used is _Learn to Fly _by _The Foo Fighters. _I love the song!

I'll try to update faster. If you guys review more! Haha, just kidding. Though I'd love you to review =).

No, I'm going to command myself to update every two weeks. Surely, you can wait two weeks? It's not that long... XD

Uhm... Uhm, what else to say? I don't really like this chapter, though I don't really know why... And I sorry for Gohan being this depressing. The boy makes me want to shove tissues up his nose and scream about rainbows and sugar. But not really. Ha, ha.

killed my lay-out. I should be on prozac.

And yes, that was a joke. XD

PLEASE REVIEW! =D

See ya next chapter!

-- Jazy.


	4. On the End of My Tongue

_**Paper Wings.**_

_Go ahead and tell me you'll leave again  
You'll just come back running  
Holding your scarred heart in hand_

_And I'll take you for who you are  
If you take me for everything_

_I don't mind, I don't care  
As long as you're here._

-

-

**Second step: **on the end of my tongue  
(Piccolo)

The misassumption everyone made, even Gohan, was the one that I did not have any feelings.

I did have feelings. In fact, I had so many feelings and emotions that I could not count them anymore. Since I had met Gohan, there had been the emotions alright.

There had been anger and hatred, still. And there had been something else, and then another one and another one. It was not that I did not feel them, it was that I lacked the will and the knowledge to name them, to act upon them. I still think it was unfair to believe I should know how to name every emotion in the world.

Humans had it easy on that part. Ever since they were born, they were told how to feel, what they felt when, and how they should feel at which moment. They were raised to talk about it, to cry and laugh at the right moment.

Not me. I was not like them. Hell, I wasn't even raised. I just grew up.

There was no one ever there to tell me how to feel. There was no one there.

Until there was Gohan.

And then it all had started. Feeling, that was. There have been so many times I wished I never had to. It is like crossing a line, coming to a certain point from where you could not return anymore.

I was stuck. I was stuck in the place where I had to feel, but could never ever word it. The words always laid on the end of my tongue, but that was as far as they went. They died there, again and again. Everyone emotion in this world made me lose the ability to speak.

So, I never tell. I never told anyone. Not feeling was way easier. There was no need to explain, to even try. I never liked putting effort into thing that won't succeed anyway. I didn't care what everyone thought, never did, never will.

I never told, because I was unable to. So instead of telling, of talking, of letting words pour down my throat like a waterfall, I turned around and ran. It was nothing like cowardice. I just avoided useless difficulties. On moments like these, where there was this feeling I could not name, I just turned around and run.

Sometimes I wonder if all Gohan ever sees of me is my back, turned to him and walking away. He was always complaining I never stayed. He always told me everything, so in his logic it was probably unfair to keep 'secrets.'

It wasn't a secret anyway. Secrets are things someone else **cannot **know. I wouldn't care whether he knew or not, it was just that I wouldn't be the one to inform him.

But Gohan was different. Gohan could talk. Gohan could just sit there and then he'd talk, for hours on an end if he had to. He'd talk about everything and nothing. He could talk for hours and say nothing. He could say one word and convey everything that needed to be said.

It wasn't like I wished I could be like him. That'd be stupid and impossible. I didn't **want **to talk. I never got why humans did, because even when he told me everything (things like he was scared, or he didn't feel good enough, or he was sad, or whatever) it was not like I could change it.

Quite frankly, I couldn't change a damn thing is this screwed up world of ours.

But still, Gohan talked. Words never died on the end of his tongue, no, I only wished they did. He talked and talked, until I wanted to be deaf.

I definitely didn't want to be like **that. **

But sometimes I did wish I could at least say a little. That at least I could name these emotions. I liked to know things. I needed to know things.

Even so, I knew nothing.

I didn't even know what it was that I was feeling now, while I rushed through the air like a bird gone mad. I knew it had to do with the girl, --what was her name again? Oh, Videl, right. I knew it had to do with Gohan.

But that last was a given. It always had to do with Gohan. Who else? There was no one else I cared enough for to feel. It was him who pushed me over that edge, that drowned me in emotions. It was him, always him.

I loved that boy so much, it sickened me past the point of throwing up.

Anyway.

Back to analysing the feeling. Right now there were three things I was absolutely sure of.

One: it was Videl's fault.  
Two: of course there was Gohan.  
Third: it hurt.

It hurt like hell. Like a sickening, suffocating sort of pain. Like a constant pain, stinging and dull in the back of my mind.

I needed to stop doing this to myself. I needed to stop letting him hurt like me this, without him even knowing it. It was amazing how he could pierce right through your heart and smile innocently all the time. Which is stupid, the whole 'heart'-thing.

Your heart is a muscle. Muscles never felt before, and they weren't going to start with it now. Your heart beats so that it can bring blood through your body, to deliver oxygen to your organs. It did not feel. I could not be broken either. Muscles snap. They didn't break.

Stupid humans and their even more stupid metaphors.

And stupid me for even thinking about it.

There was nothing that eased the pain. There were no words that described it truly.

I inhaled.

I exhaled.

And I eliminated every emotion from the very source, leaving me to feel absolutely nothing. No anger, no sadness, no sorrow, no regret, no whatever-feeling-it-was. Nothing.

Because I am Piccolo and that is what I do best.

-

**X-- ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... –X**

**-**

I knew we would never talk about this. Not because he hated me, not because I didn't trust him, but simply and solely because I'd never tell. I knew I'd take every word in about how perfect and cute and awesome the girl was, and I knew that not once I would show any shred of emotion.

I never did. Unless annoyance was an emotion, because that was what he got all the time.

The sky was blue and there were no clouds. It was hot, the sun pouring down sunrays with all its power. My eyes were closed, as I tried my hardest not to think back.

I always hated looking back. It never did me any good.

Through the endless pounding of the waterfall behind me I heard him breathing, could distinguish his heartbeat from afar. I liked the rhythm of his heartbeat, it was strangely calming. It felt nice to know where he was headed. Like always, he flew back to me. He always ran back to me. He always came back to me.

Just like I would always, somehow return to him. It was almost like an unwritten rule, some sort of arrangement between us. It was nice to know at least someone in the world cared.

His feet touched the ground softly, somewhere a few metres away from me. I smirked mentally, knowing he was trying (like always) to sneak up on me.

Like hell he'd ever succeed.

I ignored his presence, pretending to be absolutely oblivious to it. I could almost **feel **his smile. I could almost feel his breath in my neck. He was getting pretty close.

He stopped. I still sat perfectly still, my eyes still closed. Wouldn't want to give the kid too much attention.

I heard his silent movements in the air. It sounded like he got ready to jump. To what? Me?

Stupid idiot. As if that would ever work.

He jumped and on the last second I opened my eyes, dropped myself on the ground and watched how Gohan crashed into a tree. I held back a smile of amusement.

"Awh! That's not nice, Piccolo!" Gohan moaned, turning around and rubbing his nose.

"That's what you get for trying to sneak up on me like that," I retort, closing one eye again.

"I just wanted to see you," he smiled innocently. A grin spread over his face, as he continued: "and give you a hug!"

I hated hugs. So I grimaced and told him exactly that.

"I never did anything so horrible that deserves a hug."

"You're supposed to hug people when they do nice things!"

"I still think it's more a punishment than something else, kid."

He stared at me with that hurt look of his. I had no idea why he was staring at me like that, so I blankly stared back. Our stare-contest continued for a little, until Gohan put both of his hands in his hips and then said: "I'm not a kid anymore."

"You'll always be a kid."

"Am not!"

He was pouting.

"Right. Correction: you'll always **act **like a kid."

"You can be such a jerk at times!" he laughed.

I knew that. Trust me, I did. So I didn't answer on that one.

"Don't you have anyone else to annoy?" I asked him after he stayed silent for a while.

He was pouting again.

I looked away, and added: "Like Videl?"

His breathe made a strange hitch and his heart skipped a beat. I could hear it all. I wasn't sure if he knew I could (not that it would matter, because he couldn't help it), but I did. I heard a lot more than he knew. He stayed silent for an awful long time.

"I'm sorry," he said then.

"For what?"

"I'm sure she didn't mean to look at you like that, you know. She just… you know," he trailed off, kicked up the dust with his feet, stared everywhere but my face.

I rolled my eyes.

"Kid, that was about a week ago. I don't care what she thinks of me."

He stared at me with that look that said that he was absolutely not convinced. I had been speaking the truth, though. What the girl thought was something I couldn't care less about. She didn't matter. She was just there, like so many people were. She was one of the million faces that grimaced.

She was nothing to me.

"Hm, 'kay then..." he muttered.

I closed my eyes again, somehow dismissing the conversation. This was all this would ever be. He had apologized; I had pretended I did not care. And then things were settled, solved, dismissed. He knew better than to press on. He knew better than to say what he really thought.

"So, uhm, the reason I actually came to bother you..." he started.

"So you are aware you're bothering me?" I interrupted, just to be an ass again.

He stuck out his tongue and rolled his eyes.

"I have to bother someone! And you're my favourite victim."

How sad my life was.

"Now, if you're done interrupting me," he said, a smile upon his face, "I was going to ask you if just maybe, by any chance you were up for a spar? To, you know, get me in a slightly better shape for the tournament?"

He was looking at me with that annoying innocently face of his. I stood and nodded then, not feeling the need to talk. It was a stupid question anyway. When was I not up for a spar?

He grinned from ear to ear, blinking quickly. There was something about that grin that just always made me want to punch him, so I did. I launched my fist at him and he quickly dodged, shaking the surprise of his eyes. He was still smiling, though.

But that was just Gohan, and trying to get that annoying happiness of his to cease was futile.

He easily dodged the next series of kicks and punches, until I became tired of this useless game and punched him right in his face. He staggered a few feet backward and I almost wanted to laugh at his dumb expression, but he shook it off and the next thing I knew was that I almost got hit myself. Instead of taking the hit, however, I managed to dodge and the rock next to me shattered in pieces when it collided with Gohan's fist.

Poor nature. Didn't stand a chance. I dropped to myself to the ground and with something like a half turn wanted to sweep his feet right from underneath him, but he jumped, stayed in the air and I could feel him make an energy blast. I got on my feet once more and heard it reduce the place I had been a fraction of a second earlier in something ash-like.

It continued for a while, the endless kicks and punches, my harsh remarks about how he shouldn't do this, should pay more attention to that, how he always let his guard down – and there was nothing else to worry or even think about.

After – hell, I don't know, I never cared that much for time – let's say some time, Gohan asked between two gasps for air if it was okay to take a little break. I kicked him into the water just for the fun of it.

"You've become pretty sloppy," I said to Gohan's shadow, since he still hadn't come above the water's surface.

I landed on the ground, crossed my arms over my chest and looked at the water, waiting for Gohan to react. The sun mercilessly shined down. I didn't even try to find out where he was hiding, waiting for some kind of reaction of me on the fact he was still under.

He would be a childish brat forever, I guess.

"Don't be so mean! Give me a break, will you?" he finally answered when he realised I wouldn't play his little 'help me, I'm drowning' game along. "Mum says training doesn't matter now, since it's so peaceful."

"For all I know that could change easily," I retorted. "Does your mum want them to send an invitation first?"

"She wouldn't let me train even if they did," Gohan sighed, coming out the water. His hair was plastered to his face, his T-shirt nearly transparent.

"Now I'm completely soaked," he complained, more to himself than to me and I could hear him struggle to get out his T-shirt. He tossed it away carelessly, counting on the awfully hot sunrays to dry it. He worked his way out his trousers as well, and they soon found their way somewhere next to his T-shirt. And then he yawned, in nothing but his soaked boxers.

I felt like making a comment about he might as well take that off too, if he was so annoyed by wet fabric, but out of fear (well, not really, it wasn't like it scared me, but you get my point) he might actually do it, I held my tongue. I always did, in the end.

He was smiling brightly.

"It doesn't bother you, does it?" he asked, and I could hear the mocking laugh in his voice.

"You always bother me, Gohan, don't you forget that." I didn't mean it and he was the only one who knew I could never.

"Yeah, but maybe," he threw his hands in the air, yawned, "but maybe the fact that I'm almost naked bothers you even more."

I was still looking at him, almost as if to prove I could, "You used to run around naked all the time," I stated then.

He laughed out loud, though I missed the funny thing about it.

"But I'm older now," he said, still laughing, "though I guess it doesn't matter to you, since you're Piccolo."

_Since you are Piccolo. _

"Want to swim with me?" he asked.

As if. I just snorted and resumed my meditation, or at least pretended too and I could hear Gohan shrug, feel his smile and hear how with a 'splash' he jumped into the water. A few drops touched my face, but I pretended not to notice. He managed to shut up for a whole minute (which is a pretty long time for him) but then he started babbling about something, but I didn't care to actually listen. I didn't need to. It wasn't like he actually expected me to, like it mattered.

I liked hearing his words without actually caring for their meaning. It was some sort of secret liking, like a song hummed without knowing why, like staring out at a far spot in the distance without knowing what you actually wanted to see appearing out of the blue.

The way he just didn't care because he was here and that was somehow all that really mattered. How I could never really understand what that meant.

I opened my eye when I felt a weight on my leg.

"What the hell do you think you're doing, kid?" I growled.

"I wanted to sleep," he answered.

His huge eyes looked innocently up at me, his hair soaking my clothing with water. His head lay on one leg, his shoulders against my thigh. I regretted the choice of meditating sitting on the ground.

"Get off."

How he laughed at my annoyance. His laughter thick like melted asphalt in human cities.

"Dun wanna," he retorted childishly.

"I don't care," I replied, "Get the hell off of me. **Now**."

I opened my other eye, staring down at him from a strange angle. Birds screamed above our heads. The water flowed endlessly away. His eyes glowed with something, a little smile around his lips.

"I know you secretly like this."

Did I?

I just rolled my eyes in reply.

"I should hit you."

"But you won't."

"What if I do?"

"It's a sacrifice I am willing to make."

"You absolutely do not make any sense."

"Did I ever? Besides, it's not like you can't do what you were doing when I'm laying here. You have no excuse!"

"If I let you do this, will you shut up?"

"Probably."

"Fine. Sleep."

The way his smile widened at his little 'victory'. The sun above us, bright as gold. His peaceful smile, eyes closed. Like a total surrender, a gap in time. Like a moment bottled up in a jar made of glass that could never really break.

He lay perfectly still, almost like he had fallen asleep for real. Sometimes it sort of frightened me to see how comfortable around me. Even though it was Gohan and he was my… friend, I never really got rid of that constant feeling I needed to be on guard, that constant tension in the back of my mind. Sometimes that annoyed me, sometimes it made me some sort of sad. It didn't seem to annoy Gohan though. I wondered if he even ever noticed.

"_If you see the wonder of a fairy tale, you can take the future even if you fail," _he broke the silence softly. _"I believe in angels, something good in everything I see."_

"What's that?"

He didn't bother opening his eyes.

"Just a song. It played on the radio earlier. Can't get it out of my head."

I didn't reply.

"Does it bother you when I sing?"

How he never stopped asking useless questions.

"No, it's fine," I said though I meant to say it did bother me.

"You know… You're pretty talkative today," he laughed. "Is it because you missed me?"

What if it was, Gohan, what would you say on that? What if that was exactly why? Would you still be laughing then?

I didn't even want to know the answers on those questions so I just made some indifferent noise in response. He laughed a little, then took a deep breath. It stayed silent for a while, until he started singing again.

"_And my destination makes it worth the while, pushing through the darkness still another mile. I believe in angels, something good in everything I see."_

And I wondered, what good could he possible see when he looked at me?

-

**X-- ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... –X**

**-**

I stared at her and hoped my disgust showed. I hoped she would have nightmares about it, that I scared her to death. She faltered under my stare, tried her best to hide her and stood tall.

What was Gohan thinking? Had he lost his mind? His question still hung in the air, thick and sticky like honey, disgusting. I would never. I'd rather starve. Why would I help her? Why would I care?

"No," I said.

No. I wouldn't. I would never. I didn't want to. No, don't be here. Go away, far away and take her with you. No, don't look at her like that when I'm standing here.

No to this whole thing.

"Why not?!" Gohan protested. How his voice was littered with disappointment, his eyes full of sadness. It disgusted me.

Come on, Gohan, you never really believed I wouldn did you? Didn't he understand? **He **was **my **student. He, only he. If I would go and teach the whole world, it would be the same as teaching no one at all.

This was his thing, my thing, between us. And I would never let her be a part of it.

"Because she's not worth it."

Couldn't you tell that yourself, Gohan? Honestly, if he didn't notice himself he must've gone blind. She had no potential whatsoever. She was nothing. Absolutely nothing at all.

"Why not?!" she yelled, her voice slashing through my head like cold metal.

Because I said so. Because I can state that and not explain. Because she was nothing like Gohan, nothing like a student I would want to have. Her indignity lingered around her. How easily she gave herself over to emotions. She would never become truly powerful, her insecurity covering her like a second skin. How she tried to hide it by her yelling, her indignity.

It almost made me want to laugh. What could Gohan possibly see in her? What could he learn from her? Nothing.

"Please Piccolo, it's not like you have so many more important things to do!"

I looked at Gohan, staring at him. He looked back, pleading me to just do it silently. I stared back stubbornly.

"You know how I train people, there's no way that girl can handle it."

It wasn't a lie. She would never be able to handle it. She would never be able to do what Gohan did. Why couldn't he see how insignificant she was? She was a drop in a waterfall, a grain of sand in the desert.

"The name is Videl!"

Her voice high-pitched and painfully loud. I wanted to yell at her for yelling at me, but she wasn't worth that. She simply wasn't worth a look. I kept looking at Gohan, but he didn't notice how much I hated this, how badly I wanted to be alone. For fuck's sake, what was his problem? Why did he keep bringing this girl to this place?

This was **our **place. It felt like she was trespassing with permission.

"You teach her if you want her to learn," I said when I realised he wasn't going to get the message. The girl made him even more of an idiot he already was. I walked passed him, not looking at him, bothered by how much emotion might lay in my eyes. I wouldn't allow him to see any of it. He wasn't worth that either, if he wanted to bring someone that didn't belong here to this place.

"She's **your** friend, not mine."

Don't you be confused about that, Gohan, don't you ever mix that up.

His eyes were full of that same old hurt, that look he gave me when I did something to remind him I wasn't such a good, kind-hearted person after all. And I wanted to yell at him that it was his fault, that he was the one who mistakenly believed I was someone good after all I did, but I held my mouth shut, let the words die on the end of my tongue, and continued walking.

"Do it for me?" his voice likes ropes around me, keeping me from walking away. I waited, motionlessly, for him to continue. "Just explain it once to her. She's a really good student, she'll understand. And if she doesn't then I promise we'll never bother you again."

"You can bother me anytime," I answered, and I felt the girl's ki flare up slightly. I could hear her heartbeat speeding up, could taste her anger, her indignity and I liked that feeling. She was nothing, and she damn well might know.

I wanted to walk away, but I couldn't. I couldn't leave Gohan with that look. I had to pretend I was the good guy, after all. I had to pretend, so that afterwards he could say I wasn't bad, just not used to company.

"I'll tell her once. Then you two wasted enough of my time." My own words like poison in the air.

I felt like cheating myself, like losing to myself, but I shook it off. For Gohan's sake, I reminded myself as I walked up to her.

"Thank you! You're the best!"

Of course I was. I smirked.

"So, what does she know?" I informed.

"I know a lot more than you think," she snapped.

Her anger amusing like a comedy to me. Poor, undignified girl.

"That's not hard, considering what I think of your intelligence," I replied back, just to let her know I would always have a reply back on her words, that I was just that little better.

And don't you forget, little girl. You are nothing compared to me.

"How would you know? You barely know me! What's your problem?" she yelled, kicking the ground and smashing her arms to her sides, her rage uncontrolled yet pathetic. "Don't act as if you know everything, you stupid –"

"I don't really think she wants me to help her, Gohan," I smirked to Gohan. He knew I normally would've let her rage pass by without caring, but I wanted to empathise it, her weakness.

Just look at her, her pathetic rage, her short temper. Couldn't he see it for himself how stupid she was? But his eyes saw nothing of these things, and it bothered me.

He sighed. He dropped his head, his bangs hiding his eyes and it hit me like a punch with burning metal.

"Please?" he whispered, so softly I knew she could've never heard it.

Why did this mean so much to him? Why did I have to be nice, kind to a girl like her? I felt both disgusted and cheated. My lungs burnt, though I had no troubling breathing. Damn him.

Why wasn't it good enough when it was just the two of us?!

I slowly turned around, facing the girl.

"What has Gohan already taught you?" I asked again, asking my question in such a way she couldn't feel offended.

And I felt sick, like stabbing myself, like lying to myself.

_For Gohan's sake, his sake only._

"He taught me how to make these energy balls, and how to fly."

I nodded. I already knew, kind of. He had told some on the stories, how she had found out. Videl, the blackmail-girl.

"Show me," I said, biting back the weariness I suddenly felt. "Make one of these ki balls."

She did, closing her eyes. It took her so long to gather the energy and I wanted to tell her that if she would do this in a real battle, she would be killed. But my words died once more when I saw Gohan looking at her, so full of pride, almost like how he looked when he first managed to control a ki blast. I felt even sicker, like fainting or falling, like being drained of something essentially too fast.

How could a girl this worthless mean so much to him?

I grunted to sign her it was enough. I didn't have all day. In fact, I wanted this over with as quickly as possible. Run and never look back. Be away from this, far away.

She opened her eyes.

"Make sure you don't put all your energy in it," I warned her.

She nodded, concentrated and then looked back at me.

"Now, gather the energy you didn't use in your hand, not outside, and when you have a little release it all at once. That should push the energy in your hand forward," I explained, hoping she would get it from the first time. Like hell I would repeat.

She did, her eyes narrowed from concentration. I looked at her, trying to find the flaws. For all I knew, Gohan could ask me to stay and help her out some more and no matter how much I detested that, I would do it. How pathetic I had become.

She fired the blast, weakly. It hit a tree, barely left a dent. I wanted to tell her how Gohan moved mountains when he was four, but I restrained myself. **I** had seen it, **I** had been there and she had no business with any of it.

She could go to fucking hell for all I cared.

"That's amazing, Videl!" Gohan cheered.

Was it, really? I snorted. How disgusting his enthusiasm had become. How horribly misplaced.

"Well then, since she's such a natural, how about you two go and leave me alone?" I said, hating both of them for being like this.

Honestly, what had she done with Gohan? Intoxicated his brain to make him blind to her weakness? He couldn't mean what he had said. He couldn't actually think that was 'amazing'. I knew Gohan was kind, but even he should have his limits.

"Well… If we're really bothering you that much…"

I hated him for making me feel like this, but his words only enraged me more. Had he forgotten everything? I hated his sadness. I had tried, hadn't I? Why was he like this, why did everyone have to like each other in Gohan's world?

I turned around and flew away. I left them behind me, and it felt like fleeing from my own home.

I could hear Gohan's voice, he hadn't waited long enough to speak.

"He doesn't really hate you."

But I did, Gohan, I did. I hated her more than I had ever hated your father, or anyone in this world. I hated her more than I hated Nappa for trying to hurt you, hated her more than Vegeta's arrogance.

I hated her because you loved her so much, and I hated myself for hating you.

-

**X-- ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... –X**

**-**

He came everyday. Sometimes late at night, when his mother slept because she didn't like it when he was gone so much, sometimes really early, before the sun stood high in the sky because he had promised to see Videl, sometimes he even stayed the whole day. Even though he had gotten a lot worse since his last real fight, he quickly learnt the right reactions again. Like some animal instinct, something hidden in the back of his mind that could never really be erased.

At some moments it still annoyed me that his presence that was constant and so long-lasting never bothered me. If one was to think I had gotten over that after all these years, think again. For all I knew I would never get over that.

The summer was a hot, long one, with days that did not seem to end, nights that were too hot to be slept through. Endless months of heat and training, of Gohan's laugh like a song stuck in my head.

With only trees, birds and some insects as our witnesses he quickly picked up all he had forgotten and quite drastically reshaped the landscape. He told me about his father, coming back for one day, about how Videl was going to fight as well, about all the things he would do. His enthusiasm like a child's getting a new toy. He told me he wanted to fight me, so he could prove me how well I taught him. I told him he already had. He still wanted to fight me.

The way this all seemed so indestructible, invincible, solid like a massive wall. How I thought it would always be like this.

If I had listened better I might have heard it. I might have noticed the lack of sound, the absolute absence of any noise. I might have recognized it as the silence before the storm. I might have known something would go wrong.

If only I hadn't wrapped myself up in some disgustingly sticky lie about how things didn't always have to take the worst kind of ending.

It was my first mistake, I assume, the first of the many that would follow.

-

**X-- ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... –X**

**-**

**-**

**-**

**-**

Like I promised: another chapter! XD The song used is _All The Same _by _Sick Puppies. _Uhm... I think Piccolo is OOC... Sorry for that! It's just hard to describe any kind of emotion without making him look weird, I guess XD

Expect another update from me in two weeks! Next up: Videl's grand entrée! She'll finally truly have her chance to shine. Still, if someone has to say something about her, go ahead and say it!

Oh, the song Gohan was singing is _I Have A Dream _by _Abba. _Or Connie Talbot, I have her version on my iPod, since I love her so much XDD

And yeah... not that much action yet! But don't worry, don't worry: the action will come! I swear it will! Be patient with me, okay? XD

Once more: this is unbeta'd... Gosh, I really, really should find myself a BETA reader... --too lazy too put effort in searching--

**Please, Please review! **I really work super hard on this story and it feels kinda sad when no one reviews! I really want to thank the people who did, though!

Uhm, yeah, that's all, I guess! It's midnight and I'm really tired, so I don't really know what else to say to annoy you guys! :D

-- Jazy out!


	5. Love Me For Who I Am Not

_**Paper Wings.**_

_So now you look at me, eyes wooden.  
An anchor through your heart,  
Crimson for disguise.  
An opal for a wound you carry,  
Heavy lights of pleading_

_Someone look at me._

-

-

-

**Third step: **Love me for who I am not.  
(Videl)

I was Hercule Satan's daughter. That was where my existence started and, more importantly, ended. It was bound by that fact, like a huge wall made of massive stone that would not be broken down. It was all I ever would be, whether I wanted such a thing or not.

I could see it in everyone's eyes, like an old rhythm that was stuck in your head. No one saw Videl, saw me. All they saw, all I would ever be was just 'Mr. Satan's daughter.'

I used to be okay with that. I used to be so proud of my father. I used to be so proud of myself. I used to be so caught up in my little world that the bigger one in which I lived did not matter anymore.

But no longer could I proclaim confidently that I could defeat everyone in this world. No longer was the certainty that I was the daughter of the most powerful man on the earth mine.

Screw it all.

I was so weak compared to them. I was so weak, so useless, so powerless.

Who was I? If I was not Videl, if I was not who I always thought I was, then who was I? Where did my world end, where was the line that I could not cross? Where did the border between that what I was and that what I could be blur?

Did it even matter? **My **doubts, **my **feelings, **my **thoughts… did they even matter?

Or was all that mattered that I was Hercule Satan's daughter. That. And nothing, absolutely nothing more.

And don't you doubt it. Don't you forget it.

Let the crack in my wall speak about my feelings. Let it be my witness and my spokesman. For this girl, would never be able to talk about it.

-

**X-- ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... –X**

**-**

The wind blew mercilessly, sweeping everything in the direction it was going. It was a hot wind, carrying a message of hidden darkness, of burning flames scorching exposed flesh, bringing tears to blue eyes like mine staring out in the darkness.

It was like it was mocking me, my tears like blood to a vampire. I whipped them off, quickly, erasing any evidence of it ever existing. I sat on top of my roof, my feet dangling in the air meters above the ground. City lights flickered on and off, the sound of cars occasionally passing by. This city never slept. It was indestructible, a constant stream of never-ending life.

But all of these things, what did they matter? All I could think of was this strange encounter earlier this day, how things that had been (fairly) easy suddenly seemed to become so complicated.

How could a boy like Gohan have a friend like… **him**? I shook my head, as if trying to get something outside it, like shaking it would put things in the right place. It almost sickened me to remember how Gohan had looked that moment, eyes full of hope, admiration, like he had found paradise on this earth. Surely he couldn't be that important.

Surely Gohan must know of what happened so many years ago.

I shuddered again, thinking how meeting Gohan had made my life this weird. Before Gohan, I had been normal. Sure, as the daughter of a man as famous as my father, life couldn't really be called normal, but it was a life that could be led by humans.

And then there was Gohan, and along with him came flying, inner ki, the strength to lift building and the most innocent boy of the planet apparently being good friends with a killer. I had always lived with the thoughts no one could beat my father, that I was going to be like him, that I was going to protect this world.

But what could I really do, compared to people like them?

Not that I would give up here now. Of course not. Along with the discovery of my weakness, had come the discovery of great power. Power that could be in my reach if only I reached far enough, tried hard enough, stood up every time again.

Now I had the strength to defeat my father. Easily. Almost like sweeping away a bug. How I thought the world ended when I realised that. It was like being told everything I had stood for was a lie. My father never defeated Cell so many years ago, I knew now and though Gohan never really confirmed it: I knew it was him. People adored a man who never really did what they thought he did.

Just like people loved me for not being me. I shook my head again, whipped of more tears caused by the extreme wind. I had no idea where I was going, just walked along the streets like a homeless person searching for a home that had long since been forgotten. I waited for the red light though there was no car in sight. I looked at my weary reflection in windows and doors made of glass. Me, a girl of average height with short, black hair, eyes coloured blue. I saw myself as other would see me. As others should've seen me if I had not been Videl. I wondered if they would look back on the streets then, if they would care when I walked past them. I wondered if they would grant me a second glance, a second to linger in their minds.

I felt cheated, like a little girl that was told Santa Claus was not real, that it was just your dad and your mum. I felt small, realising for the first time that this was a world far bigger than I could've imagined. The light turned green and I crossed the street. The air smelt like summer, the distinct smell of car exhaust and melted asphalt.

This was my city. This was the city I believed I could protect. I wouldn't let it down. Never. I sighed, wondering to myself why I was making things so difficult. I could fly too now, I was stronger too now. So what if my father wasn't the strongest man to have ever walked on this earth? So what if there were people out there stronger than me? So what if the boy I was in love with introduced me to a person who wasn't even human? I wasn't even sure if Gohan was completely human, but I'd never dared to ask.

But it wouldn't matter, I told myself, since I was in love with Gohan no matter what. He was a hero, he was the only one who saw me as I was, whoever that was.

I wandered around in circles, mechanically, thoughtlessly. I would've gone for a flight, but I liked this feeling too. The ground under my feet, the lights upon the street, upon me, the reflections of me in the windows; how I could smell summer. There was music, distinct, always. The clock in the tower rung three times powerfully and it made me sigh. I started walking back, knowing I couldn't stay up forever.

I had to sleep well and train hard so I could show everyone that Videl Satan was a lot more than they thought she was. They thought I was good? I would show them I was ever better. And then maybe, just maybe, Gohan might smile to me and tell me I did really well.

I flew to my window, opened it and jumped in my bed, sleeping before my head hit my pillow.

-

**X-- ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... –X**

**-**

The sand stretched before us endlessly. The wind was still blowing, like a premise of death and fright. He stood before me, like the actor all the girls would squeal about in a scene set into the desert.

"Why are we here?" I asked, my voice already a little hoarse from the dryness around us.

"You said you didn't want anyone to see you," he answered, shrugging, "I thought no one would ever see us here."

I nodded, whipped the sticky, salty sweat of my forehead with the back of my hand. He seemed unfazed by the heat, untouchable like a statue. Suddenly I felt too human, too weak and too stained to be near him. My hair looked like a scarecrow's, my cheeks already burning red. My clothes plastered to me like a second skin. And it disgusted me to think he might see me in the exact same way.

"Let's start," I offered. He nodded, taking a small step backward. I planted my feet in the ground firmly, stretched my hands out before me. I closed my eyes in concentration. There was no sound, nothing except for my slightly faster breathing, the way my heart beat into my throat.

The sun burned me, the wind carrying sand to polish exposed flesh painfully. I took a deep breathe, concentrated on something deep inside. Energy, like life. The power it granted. Gohan's words like a mantra in my head.

Concentrate.  
Search.  
Find.  
Release.

I could feel it in my hands, the energy of my own life, the power it possessed, like holding a dream, holding the sun. I held my own life in my own two hands.

"You're doing great," his voice broke through my thoughts.

I opened my eyes, my cheeks even redder than before. My breath came in harsh gasps, I only noticed now.

"Now you ruined it!" I yelled at him, trying to hide my embarrassment of feeling this happy by just one comment of him. "Don't talk to concentrated people, you moron!"

He looked away, guilt and shame plastered all over his face. I almost felt sorry for him, but that only made me more embarrassed so I placed my hands in my hips and glared at him.

"Sorry," he muttered. "But you really were doing great."

Oh, screw him. How could I possibly stand being mad at him?

"Fine," I said curtly, "I'll forgive you."

I offered him a small smile.

"I'll try again, okay?"

"Yeah, and I'll shut up," he smiled back.

"Great idea."

I closed my eyes once more, caught my breath and let the sun soak me up. Standing here, with not a living soul around, learning things like flying and knowing of incredible powers, it was like some sort of twisted dream. A fairytale that had no princesses and knights, no dragons and the castles. Just us, captured in time, eternity, in the middle of nowhere.

And I thought: why can't it be like this forever? Why can't we just stand here, Gohan, and stay here, unaware of the existence of anyone else? Why do we always have to return, to the place where Videl is just an empty shell, a name for something, someone that was not me? Why couldn't we stay this way?

His eyes glued to me, only me, and I forgot how I must've looked. I forgot about my red cheeks, my face burning up. All I could feel were his eyes on me.

Maybe this was what it was like to be beautiful, desired, loved. Maybe it was this feeling, the urge to open my eyes and see him looking at me, unashamed but shyly. That little pull back from losing yourself, that little reminder you are not alone.

The energy burned in my hands, warm like the sun. He held his breath, but I could still feel his eyes on me, and I felt like a war girl out of a film, always beautiful, always untouched. My heart raced, my thoughts ticking like a time bomb, every muscle in my body tensed. His eyes on me like burning.

And I wanted this, a wanting like falling, a wanting that scared me. I wanted his eyes on me so badly, I wanted to succeed and be me. It was so close, in my grasp and I reached out, feeling the energy slip through my fingers and –

And then it was over.

I gasped for air, staggered backwards and the energy vanished into thin air that shuddered in the heat of the desert. He caught me, before I hit the sand, and his touch was like electricity. He put me back on my feet and I bit my lip.

"I was so close," I said when I caught my breath again.

But then it had to vanish, disappear.

"You were!" he cheered. "That's some amazing process you made there."

I smiled, my lungs still burning too much to say anything. I took a few steps backwards, placed my hands on a rock and wanted to sit down.

"Oh, don't do that," Gohan warned me, so I didn't, "there are snakes there. They're hidden under the rocks."

I nodded again, backing away from the rock. I crossed my arms over my chest, breathed the flaming air.

"What if they come out from under the rock and bite me?" I asked.

"They don't strike above the ankle," he said, gesturing at my shoes. "And they won't leave their cover like that either. You're safe at this distance."

I nodded, and he fell quiet.

I wanted to tell him it was too hot, that my brains would evaporate, but it seemed so stupid, so completely ridiculous when he seemed to barely notice the heat. He looked at me, thoughtfully and I felt crimson decorate my face.

"Thinking?" I said, and to my surprise actually managed to get a laugh in my voice.

He looked up, nodding. "Yeah."

"About what?" I asked. I tried to act like I, too, was completely unaware of the heat, that I could be like a girl in an action film. I whipped my sweaty palms on my shirt, smiling slightly.

"How it's weird that you can get the energy outside, but you can't release it. Like, you know, firing a gun or something," he seemed a little awkward making the metaphor and I realised he never needed a gun to make bad guys listen to him. He didn't need fancy tools and bullets and reputation.

"Oh," I said, my voice a little harsher than I meant to. "Well, I'm sorry for being so weird."

He noticed my defensive attitude and quickly waved his hands in front of him, shaking his head, while saying: "No, no, it's not like that! I didn't mean that. I just… you know, like… But I guess… I just…"

I suppressed my laugh. He had done nothing really wrong, but I enjoyed watching him trying to get out of his words like that. Surely, he could suffer a little longer before I would forgive him.

"Then what did you mean?" I said, putting my hands in my hips.

"I was thinking, maybe I should ask Piccolo to explain it to you. You see, I'm really bad at teaching and the likes… but he's really good at it! He trained me too."

My mouth was dryer than the desert we stood in. My heart trashed itself against my ribcage hard, then laid completely still, motionless. I felt rage burn hotter than the sun.

"I mean, you learn really fast, so it's not your fault," he continued, "but if it was Piccolo, I'm sure he can teach you everything you want to know!"

Under the blazing sun I sat down upon the rock, my eyes firmly attached to him and with my feet I kicked out my shoes until they were under my ankles. The wind wept heartbreakingly as I waited for the snakes to strike.

But Gohan didn't even notice anymore. He was too busy talking about Piccolo.

-

**X-- ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... –X**

**-**

His eyes like black dots of nothingness, blank like a vacant stare. Birds screamed above our heads. Water clashed down to the ground like a gigantic downpour. My heart trashed itself against my ribcage, my mouth like burning. I was a convict, waiting for my verdict. I was a prisoner, waiting to be either locked away or be free again. I wanted to run under that stare, that stare that was nothing like Gohan's gaze, that stare that made me feel so small, weak, useless. And I wondered, how could Gohan possibly stand this person? How could he say 'he is a good friend'? How could he mean those words, how could this happen to me? Why didn't Gohan notice how scared I was, how much I disliked this stare? Why didn't he jump in and save me like the hero he was?

But Gohan noticed nothing but him. He never did. The whole world ceased to exist at only the mention of Piccolo's existence.

"No."

I finally breathed, almost relieved.

"Why not?!" Gohan protested, his eyes huge with disappointment.

"She's not worth it," the reply came, cold as the condemnation of the innocent.

I clenched my hands to fist, placed them in my hips, glared with all the hate and determination I could master. My glare that had sent even bank robbers and rapists to shudder, but he didn't even seem to notice I had changed my look at all. Fright, hatred, it all seemed the same to him. I shuddered.

"Why not?!" it was my turn now to raise my voice in indignity.

"Please Piccolo, it's not like you have so many more important things to do!" Gohan argued.

He averted his eyes from me to Gohan, giving him the same kind of stare but, unlike me, Gohan didn't flinch. He just looked back, more like understanding him than thinking about how he could be the victim of such a stare.

"You know how I train people, there's no way that girl can handle it."

"Videl!" I interjected, resisting the urge to hit him.

He completely ignored my presence, like ignoring that annoying mosquito around your head.

"You teach her if you want her to learn," he stood up, walked passed Gohan without granting another look. "She's **your**friend, not mine."

Gohan let him pass him, his eyes full with an emotion I couldn't even come to explain. He looked beaten, like he had honestly expected this to turn out differently. My stomach felt like it was hurling itself all over the place, and I looked away. If I had disliked that guy before, I hated him now.

Who did he think he was? Treating us like dirt, like we didn't even existed? Wasn't Gohan his 'friend'? How could Gohan have nothing but praise for him, when he wouldn't have conversations that lasted longer than a minute with him?

"Do it for me?" he said, a slight question in his voice. "Just explain it once to her. She's a really good student, she'll understand. And if she doesn't then I promise we'll never bother you again."

I peeked up, glancing at the alien's back secretly, almost like I was afraid he would have eyes in his back. For all I knew, he just might've. It wouldn't have made this whole thing that much weirder.

He stood still, like contemplating his words.

"You can bother me anytime," he answered and I felt a sting of indignity flash across me. Bastard. Jerk. Son of a –

"I'll tell her once. Then you two wasted enough of my time."

Gohan's 'thank you! You're the best!' felt like salt in my freshly sliced cuts. I looked up, trembling with anger, but Gohan didn't notice. Piccolo did, and a ghost of a smirk, so faintly I must've imagined it played over his lips. His arrogance fuelled my fighting spirit like red flags to bulls.

"So, what does she know?" he asked, his voice as uncaring and indifferent as if he was checking up a slave. I gritted my teeth.

"I know a lot more than you think," I bit back.

He smirked again. "That's not hard, considering what I think of your intelligence."

"How would you know? You barely know me! What's your problem?" I yelled, kicking the ground and smashing my arms to my sides, my rage making it hard to control myself. "Don't act as if you know everything, you stupid –"

"I don't really think she wants me to help her, Gohan," he commented, ignoring me once more. This time his smirk was visible, almost like he had proven something to himself by getting me this angry. My fists burned to be planted in his face.

Gohan sighed wearily, dropping his head. The impact of that sound on the tall, green alien was amazing. Almost like he was hit by a bomb, his smirk dropped, his eyes not arrogant but thoughtful, before they turned vacant and hard again. He turned around, facing me again.

"What has Gohan already taught you?" he reformulated his question, his voice free of any arrogance for the first time.

I stared at him, at a loss of words, for a few moments. He couldn't actually turn his behaviour around like this, right? Not just because Gohan's sigh? Sure, Gohan looked like he was in some inner conflict, almost like he had witnessed a murder before his own two eyes, but what would someone like **him **care?

"He taught me how to make these energy balls, and how to fly," I answered mechanically.

He nodded, his head barely moving.

"Show me," he said. "Make one of these ki balls."

I nodded, closing my eyes and concentrating on letting out the energy. I would show him just how wrong he was by believing I could never do anything right. I would show him just how good I was.

He grunted, and I opened my eyes.

"Make sure you don't put all your energy in it," he warned me.

I nodded, and after I made the energy ball balancing in my hand a little larger, I looked at him expectantly for the next step.

"Now, gather the energy you didn't use in your hand, not outside, and when you have a little release it all at once. That should push the energy in your hand forward."

I nodded once more, narrowing my eyes as I tried my hardest to do what he said. I had to succeed. I couldn't fail now. I couldn't let his arrogant smile be on his face with a reason. But he was looking at me, no longer with the same intimidating stare as before, but with the eyes of a teacher, taking in every detail, every flaw. In a way, these eyes scared me even more. But I wouldn't kneel down, I wouldn't.

My hand burned and with a sudden burst of energy I let it all out. I watched the little ball of yellow energy race through the air until it collided with a tree.

"That's amazing, Videl!" Gohan cheered.

Piccolo snorted, but I didn't even care about his smugness anymore. All I cared about was that I had succeeded, and that Gohan thought it was well.

"Well then, since she's such a natural, how about you two go and leave me alone?" Piccolo said.

Jerk. But I wouldn't let him temper my happiness.

"Well… If we're really bothering you that much…"

I imagined him replying 'she is', but he didn't, instead he just turned around and flew away. Gohan sighed, looked after him and I felt my stomach turn weirdly again. I wanted a rock with snakes hidden underneath. I wanted my ankles exposed.

"He really doesn't hate you," Gohan said, but I knew he was lying. I ignored his words and fired blasts on the tree until it collapsed.

"He can hate me if he wants too," I said.

"I don't want my friends to hate each other," he sighed, sitting down on the ground.

I wanted to tell him that maybe he had to choose, but I didn't, too afraid to not be his choice.

"I don't hate him," I offered, but I was lying too.

He laughed a little.

"He'll get used to you," he said, throwing little stones in the water.

But I wasn't so sure if **I **would ever get used to this stinging in my chest when Gohan was around him, acting like he was meeting his favourite actor, his idol, his own personal god. I doubted I would, but I smiled, agreed and continued blasting away.

Gohan didn't look anymore, barely commented at all. His thoughts were already occupied, his attention captured.

And I wasn't the one holding it.

The next blast sent the tree collapsing at once, as I raged in silence.

-

**X-- ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... –X**

**-**

His arrogant smirk didn't leave my mind anymore. I didn't even know why I cared so much, but for some reason all I could think of was the way he had looked at me back there, his eyes so full with the certainty I was nothing, that I could do nothing. But I would show him how I would turn into everything.

Perhaps I cared so much because he was the first person to openly tell me I wasn't all that at all. Perhaps it was because I couldn't shake the feeling that he might see the girl I really was, for he wouldn't care about reputations such as my father's at all.

But Gohan didn't either and he never looked at me like I was some kind of bug that could easily be swept away. Then again, Gohan was kind, he wouldn't want anyone to think badly of him. He wanted everyone to like him, wanted to like everyone.

I narrowed my eyes, threw a punch at one of my father's students and hit him full on his face. He staggered backwards, fainting on the floor. And I gritted my teeth, imagining myself being the one staggering backwards like that, brought down by one single punch. That was what he must be thinking.

Piccolo. How I hated that name, how it disgusted me.

The next boy stood up, as my father watched me bringing them down with one single kick, one single punch. But it wouldn't always be like this, I told myself, this was not because I was strong, but because they were weak.

I secretly wished I could face him and show Gohan and him, both of them, what I could be. I wouldn't lose to him. Never. I'd rather die.

I wouldn't let him be right about me. How dare he, didn't he know who I was? Didn't he know I was Videl, that I protected this city?

I wouldn't be scared, I wouldn't let myself look away from that vacant stare anymore. I wouldn't burn under his blazing eyes.

I turned around when I had knocked down every single student in my father's dojo and walked out, accompanied by my own bitterness and father's words about how they had to train so much more and work so much harder.

He had no idea.

Days passed by in a rush of punches and kicks, until the day had finally arrived. I still remember, how I woke up early that morning, full of confidence, full of the certainty nothing could go wrong. I would go to Gohan and we would go to together, and I would beat anyone I fought.

It still disgusts me to think how happy I was the morning my whole life would crumble down like it had never meant anything. Perhaps it never had.

-

**X-- ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... –X**

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So yeeeees... I lied. This took longer than two weeks. Sorry!

The song used was _Dancing Dirt Into The Snow_ by _Missy Higgings_

Uhm... this one's also a little (2000 words or so) shorter than the previous ones. I TOLD YOU I DON'T KNOW VIDEL THAT WELL! Seriously, I don't get that girl XDD Oh well, I hope I did okay. Please forgive me once more that actually nothing really happened in this chapter.

I'll try to have the next chapter up on time. But no promises XDD

(I always make deadlines that I cannot keep! XD)

Please review, because I'm getting a little depressed at the lack of enthusiasm other people pour into this story! XD Soooo! HIT THAT FUDGING BUTTON! Or I'll kill everyone off! (How mature of me)

Anywaaaaaaaaaaay!

Not much to say here. Next up: Gohan's POV and yet another chapter: WITH FINALLY SOME ACTION!

... I think.

Staaaaaaaaaaaay tuned! -smile-

-- Jazyrha out!


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